Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canary_Islands#Etymology
The name Islas Canarias is likely derived from the Latin name Canariae Insulae, meaning "Islands of the Dogs", a name that was applied only to Gran Canaria. According to the historian Pliny the Elder, the Mauretanian king Juba II named the island Canaria because it contained "vast multitudes of dogs of very large size"

They'd love you at a comedy festival. Do you know that Mr. Logic out of Viz?

 

[Cavalol]

A boy get a job in a butcher's shop in a village a few miles from his home. The first day starts really well and the owner is very impressed with his keenness to learn, and by the third day he left him to run the shop on his own when he went to market.
A little while later an old lady walks in and asks the lad for an Aylesbury duck. The lad looks at the stacks of ducks on the shelf, pulls one off and passes it over. At this point the lady rolls up her sleeve, inserts her fist into the duck's bottom and declared loudly 'That is NOT an Aylesbury duck, that's a Birmingham duck! I asked for an Aylesbury duck!'
Apologetically the lad puts the duck back on the shelf, passes her another one, and again the lady rolls up her sleeve, inserts her fist up the duck's bottom and proclaims loudly 'That is NOT an Aylesbury duck, that's an Oxford duck! I asked for an Aylesbury duck!'
The lad is really flustered by now, and pulls another duck off the shelf. Same routine, and this time the lady proclaims 'That is NOT an Aylesbury duck, that's a Cambridge duck! I asked for an Aylesbury duck. You really are beginning to try my patience, young man'
At this point the lad gets the next duck off the shelf, the lady rolls her sleeve up, inserts it up the duck's bottom and says 'Ah, yes, THAT is an Aylesbury duck, I'll take that one, thank you'.
The lad proceeds to wrap it for her and as he does so, she remarks that she doesn't recognise him from the village and asks where he's from.
With that, the lad jumped on the counter, pulled down his trousers and said 'You tell me, love, you're the f*****g expert'

 

[Cavalol]

They'd love you at a comedy festival. Do you know that Mr. Logic out of Viz?

 

[benb]

They'd love you at a comedy festival. Do you know that Mr. Logic out of Viz?

No; Mr. Logic is a fictional character, so it's impossible to know him in the context you are implying.

 

[Dave7]

No; Mr. Logic is a fictional character, so it's impossible to know him in the context you are implying.

I disagree with that statement.
This is Cycle Chat. We can know anyone we want to know.
I think
Maybe

 

[Cavalol]

People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus.

It's what's inside that counts.

 

[simonali]

No; Mr. Logic is a fictional character, so it's impossible to know him in the context you are implying.

I'm going to have to stop visiting this thread because I think I'm going to do myself damage from all the laughing. Me ribs...

 

[Threevok]

I've been shunned by the scrabble club

They wouldn't allow me inside because I didn't have I D

 

[Cavalol]

Had a leaflet through my door saying 'Jumble Sale'.

So far I've got seal and ales.

 

[Cavalol]

A women’s just walked into my local council rent office with a £5 note in her left ear, and a tenner in her right one.

Turns out she’s £15 in arrears.

 

[Cavalol]

I like to hit people on the knee to test their reflexes.

I don't know why, but I get a kick out of it.

 

[Cavalol]

Why does Crystal Gayle insert smurfs into her bottom?

She wants to make her brown eye blue.

 

[Cavalol]

What do you call a bunch of monkeys in a knot?

An orangutangle.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Chris S]

What do you call a motor-scooter built in Iran?
An Islambretta.