Any good jokes ... ?

[postman]

A mysterious sink hole has appeared on Stonegate Road playing fields over night.Police are looking into it.

 

[betty swollocks]

it’s not the cough that carries you off
But the coffin they carry you off-in

Alright: don't blow a casket!

 

[Lullabelle]

A friend of mine used to work in a pet store, she was sacked when she was caught with her hand in the trill.

 

[Salty seadog]

A friend of mine used to work in a pet store, she was sacked when she was caught with her hand in the trill.

You can have a like as long as you accept a Groan too....

 

[Salty seadog]

My mate has just been convicted on two counts of stealing chicken wire

The judge was asked to take two other fences into consideration

Aaahhhh, this takes me back to the time me and a mate got a bit drunk. On the way home we started nicking all the garden gates down the road to home, being a well to do area no one said a word, I don't think they wanted us to take a fence.....

 

[Cavalol]

Collision on the A41 earlier between two red tractors.

Don’t know if anyone was hurt, but it looked massey.

 

[Smokin Joe]

A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better." Presumably, that"s a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.

 

[Dave7]

I decided to start my own company......cleaning chewing gum off pavements. But I couldn't get it off the ground.

Dont blame me-blame Tony Blackburn

 

[Dave7]

A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better." Presumably, that"s a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.

That sort of comment does annoy me somewhat (hers not yours). A woman friend of ours once got a nice new council house and said God had done that for her.
I asked her......what about all the God fearing people living in squalid coditions. Does he not like them?

 

[Cavalol]

 

[monkeytennis]

Would the person who stole my shoes while I was on the bouncy castle please just grow up!

 

[Cavalol]

My turn to be party pooper: can we leave the religion bashing to another thread?

 

[Dave7]

My turn to be party pooper: can we leave the religion bashing to another thread?

If you are refering to @Smokin Joe and myself.....we mentioned god. Not sure god has much connection to most religions.

 

[Salty seadog]

C'mon this should be about crap jokes we've just googled our been told.

Nowt to do with the thread title granted but it passes the time.

 

[Salty seadog]

New term at school and the teacher asks the class to tell the rest what their best time of the holiday was

Little Sally was overjoyed at going to the zoo best day ever

Andrew enjoyed his time at the beach in the sun

Joanne just loved playing in the woods with her dog.

Next was little Johnny.
"So what was your best time of the holiday said the teacher."

"we stuck firecrackers up frogs arses miss"

Shocked, the teacher snapped

"rectum, Johnny, rectum"

"no miss, blew. 'em to f' kin bits"