Any good jokes ... ?

[subaqua]

New term at school and the teacher asks the class to tell the rest what their best time of the holiday was

Little Sally was overjoyed at going to the zoo best day ever

Andrew enjoyed his time at the beach in the sun

Joanne just loved playing in the woods with her dog.

Next was little Johnny.
"So what was your best time of the holiday said the teacher."

"we stuck firecrackers up frogs arses miss"

Shocked, the teacher snapped

"rectum, Johnny, rectum"

"no miss, blew. 'em to f' kin bits"


Rip Billy Collonny.

The big yin ain’t dead yet

 

[Dave7]

New term at school and the teacher asks the class to tell the rest what their best time of the holiday was

Little Sally was overjoyed at going to the zoo best day ever

Andrew enjoyed his time at the beach in the sun

Joanne just loved playing in the woods with her dog.

Next was little Johnny.
"So what was your best time of the holiday said the teacher."

"we stuck firecrackers up frogs arses miss"

Shocked, the teacher snapped

"rectum, Johnny, rectum"

"no miss, blew. 'em to f' kin bits"


Rip Billy Collonny.

That little Johnny seems to get in lots of trouble doesn't he

 

[Salty seadog]

The big yin ain’t dead yet

Duly amended, Brain fart.

 

[derrick]

My turn to be party pooper: can we leave the religion bashing to another thread?

What and spoil all our fun.

 

[R25]

My wife said she wants a divorce because of my obsession with the Monkees, thought she was joking, but then I saw her face.

 

[raleighnut]

My turn to be party pooper: can we leave the religion bashing to another thread?

What the 'Bashing The Bishop' thread.

 

[morrisman]

There's a new show on TV called The Pottery Apprentice.
The winner gets fired.

 

[Speicher]

The loser will have a glazed expression, and get thrown out.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

That crackled me up

 

[Cavalol]

Never date a tennis player.


Love means nothing to them.

 

[Salty seadog]

Never date a tennis player.


Love means nothing to them.

I want my money back.

 

[GM]

Borrowed from my FB


As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost…

 

[TissoT]

Q: Is Google a he or a she?

A: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

 

[Cavalol]

On a visit to southern Ireland I noticed the prices rose wildly! On the first day I bought a packet of crisps for 45 Euros. The next day the same brand was 90 Euros! I pointed this out to the man in the shop who sighed and said:

"To be sure, it's Dublin alroight"...

 

[postman]

Two Irish men are sat in a pub.One is rat arsed.What's up Mick,you look in a bad way.I am the wife has just given birth to twins,and when i have finished this pint,i'm going looking for the other fella.