Threevok
Growing old disgracefully
- Location
- South Wales
I'm sure that you'll manage to turn it all around - and in the end, that's what it's all about
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
I'm sure that you'll manage to turn it all around - and in the end, that's what it's all about
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
Don't you have to shake it all about first?
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Oh! the Okey Cokey
David Beckham decides to go horse riding after the recent marriage troubles. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the Horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace
Victoria admiringly watches her husband.
After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop.
Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip of the horse's neck.
David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness.
Victoria is now frantic and screams and shouts for help!!
Hearing her screams, the Waitrose Security Guard came out of the store and unplugged it.
Victoria admiringly watches her husband.
After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop.
Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip of the horse's neck.
David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness.
Victoria is now frantic and screams and shouts for help!!
Hearing her screams, the Waitrose Security Guard came out of the store and unplugged it.
Nibor
Bewildered
- Location
- Accrington
I have just discovered alcoholic yoghurts I have just had six I am completely mullered
Salty seadog
Space Cadet...(3rd Class...)
...it's not too late to delete that one....
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So was the rest of the house. He took the aspirins, and cringed when he saw a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is in the oven. I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!"
He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating.
Jack asked, "Son, what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??
His son replied, "Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bathroom to clean you up, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone you hussy, I'm married!"
As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So was the rest of the house. He took the aspirins, and cringed when he saw a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is in the oven. I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!"
He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating.
Jack asked, "Son, what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??
His son replied, "Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bathroom to clean you up, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone you hussy, I'm married!"
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
glasgowcyclist
Charming but somewhat feckless
- Location
- Scotland
Same people who refer to bog roll as crêpe paper.
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Nah, Seuth Efricens
