Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

My local chippy has started using magazines, instead of newspaper.

I'm eating them out of House and Home.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Last night a girl asked me for sex, but I'm afraid I had to disappoint her.

We had sex.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

How do you know ET comes from Sellafield? He looks like he does.

I heard that recently where the line was allegedly said by a presenter on Orkney radio (and in the context of the rivalry between Orkney and Shetland).

How do you know ET comes from Shetland?
He looks like he does.

 

[Chris S]

I heard that recently where the line was allegedly said by a presenter on Orkney radio (and in the context of the rivalry between Orkney and Shetland).

How do you know ET comes from Shetland?
He looks like he does.

Perhaps it was some sort of reference to in-breeding on the Shetland isles?

 

[glasgowcyclist]

Perhaps it was some sort of reference to in-breeding on the Shetland isles?

Ooooooh, you've done it now!

 

[Milkfloat]

Perhaps it was some sort of reference to in-breeding on the Shetland isles?

Am I right in remembering that @Drago originally hails from there?

 

[Chris S]

I though he was Jewish of some sort. Anyway, sorry @Drago and anyone else that I've offended.

 

[slowwww]

One day the Red and White Knight on a Black and White Horse knocked on the gate of the king of Englands Castle.
Yawn
Scratch ar5e
Yawn again
Stare out of window for a bit of respite

And the King replied "No".
Groan

Is it time for a separate thread entitled 'Absurdly long and catastrophically unfunny jokes'?

 

[Dave7]

Is it time for a separate thread entitled 'Absurdly long and catastrophically unfunny jokes'?

Yes PLEASE

 

[guitarpete247]

I heard that recently where the line was allegedly said by a presenter on Orkney radio (and in the context of the rivalry between Orkney and Shetland).

How do you know ET comes from Shetland?
He looks like he does.

I believe it was Mark Steel on "The News Quiz".

 

[AndyRM]

In (limited) defence of the red and white knight joke it is best told over a long evening and intoxicated. The best way to finish it is to be asked after everyone has forgotten what's gone on.

I know a similar joke about a bus driver and an enchanted forest.

 

[simonali]

In (limited) defence of the red and white knight joke it is best told over a long evening and intoxicated. The best way to finish it is to be asked after everyone has forgotten what's gone on.

I know a similar joke about a bus driver and an enchanted forest.

Please PM it to Dave7 directly, as he's the only one who might want to hear it!

 

[Cavalol]

Made this for the kids, but they didn't want it. Oh well, it's the fort that counts

 

[Dave7]

Please PM it to Dave7 directly, as he's the only one who might want to hear it!

Dave7 left the country today and cannot be contacted anywhere...anytime.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I have the memory of an elephant.


I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.