Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

 

[morrisman]

My author friend claims that he ‘accidentally’ glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

 

[Cavalol]

My grandad had a penny farthing bike. When we went decimal he couldn't get the spare parts.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

I was out shopping again today and popped into the chemist; I was looking for toothpaste and the pharmacist showed me a selection. I dismissed a number of them as not being what I was looking for and was amazed when the rejected tubes all started jumping about and squealing - talk about being sensitive!

 

[AndyRM]

View attachment 428887

Harrowing.

 

[Dayvo]

Copied from elsewhere.

 

[Cavalol]

/\

That needs to be liked 100 times at least.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Country & Western songs should be played backwards so they have a happy ending. The dog wouldn't have died, your wife would still be with you and the corn would be growing.

 

[bruce1530]

I played a couple of games of football last night. It was a really weird pitch - made up of layers of crushed stone and sand.

We won 5-4 on aggregate.

 

[simonali]

https://www.cyclechat.net/posts/4560511/

https://www.cyclechat.net/posts/5335579/

 

[PaulB]

My author friend claims that he ‘accidentally’ glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

I'm currently writing an unauthorised autobiography.

 

[Dayvo]

Sunday: Gregor
Monday: Ian
Tuesday: Gregor
Wednesday: Ian
Thursday: Gregor
Friday: Ian
Saturday: Gregor


The Gregorian calendar.

 

[screenman]

Strictly is on.

 

[wheresthetorch]

Sunday: Greg
Monday: Ian
Tuesday: Greg
Wednesday: Ian
Thursday: Greg
Friday: Ian
Saturday: Greg


The Gregorian calendar.

FTFY.

 

[Cavalol]

"Have you ever seen £20 all crumpled up,
A woman asked her husband.

"No... " said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned her blouse and slowly reached down into her bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

He took the crumpled £20 note from her and smiled approvingly.

"Have you ever seen £50 all crumpled up?"... she then asked her husband.

"No... no, I haven't" he said with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

He took the crumpled £50 note... and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now... " she said. "Have you ever seen £25,000 all crumpled up?"

"No, never" he said while obviously becoming even more excited.

"Well... go and look in the garage!"