Any good jokes ... ?

[atbman]

Ruined a good joke.

Patient: doctor, I can't stop singing "the green, green grass of home"
Doctor: that's easy. You have Tom Jones syndrome
Patient: is it rare?
Doctor :it's not unusual

Can't believe I just went to the trouble of typing that out.

I look down the road and there comes Mary
Teeth of gold and lips so hairy, they feel just like the green, green, grass of home

 

[musa]

Any good jokes....?

Yes Arsene Wenger and Arsenal's trophy cabinet

 

[vernon]

The real tragedy is that if Oscar Pistorius didn't have any arms this would never of happened.

People telling Oscar Pistorius jokes are prosthetic.

 

[Aperitif]

People telling Oscar Pistorius jokes are prosthetic.

...and haven't got a leg to stand on, I agree.

 

[compo]

 

[Tarbo]

To be fair to Oscar Pistorius, it must have been dark in his appartment. He said he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

 

[Cycling Dan]

 

[Maz]

People telling Oscar Pistorius jokes are prosthetic.

What a lame joke.

 

[2bluegp]

I asked Kevin Webster to M.O.T. my campervan.
He refused, said he didn't touch anything over 15 years old..

 

[2bluegp]

Police searching Oscar pastorius' house have found a book with the names of 15 more women he had planned to kill.


they are calling it shinless list.

 

[Stringy Bob]

Couldn't sleep last night, so got up round 2.00AM, came down to the kitchen to get a drink. As I stood, staring out of the window, a man ran into the neighbour's garden and out jumped my neighbour, hit him over the head with a shovel and the intruder was stone dead. Could not then beleive my eyes, as my neighbour dug a shallow grave to bury the intruder.
Almost jumped out of my skin as my wife crept up behind me to give me a hug and ask what's wrong.
I said, you will NEVER beleive this love. That guy next door.......had my shovel all this time!

 

[Kins]

HOSPITAL BILL
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerks Called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency Open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to Pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the Irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

 

[Stringy Bob]

Two blokes playing golf. One is about to tee off when he notices a funeral courtege pass by on a nearby road. He puts down his clubs and doffs his hat in respect. When the courtege has passed, he puts his hat on and is about to resume his shot, when his mate asks him what prompted that. Bloke says, "Well, we had been married a long time"

 

[Stringy Bob]

Phone rings, woman answers. Pervert with heavy breathing says, "Bet you have a tight arse with no hair". Woman replies, "Yes,he is watching the football, who should I say is calling?".

 

[Moon bunny]

Oh! The grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men....



...and that, boys and girls, is how AIDS started to spread among the British Army.