Any good jokes ... ?

[morrisman]

So a guy walks into a pub and orders a pint of less.
The barman asks, "What's less?"
The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."

 

[morrisman]

Ha - mildly amusing
Haha - laughing
Hahaha - sarcastic laughing
Hahahaha - Staying Alive

 

[ADarkDraconis]

I have been told that I make excellent hot beverages for people, you could say that it is my special tea...

 

[Cavalol]

I've had a winch fitted to my boat.

Ship just got reel.

 

[Cavalol]

Imagine if the Titanic had a lisp?

Its unthinkable.

 

[morrisman]

How many pedants does it take to change a light bulb?

The correct term is 'replace', actually.

 

[morrisman]

I went to a fancy dress party recently the host asked me: 'What have you come as?'
'Oh, I'm a harp.'
'Your costume is too short to be a harp'
'Are you calling me a lyre?'

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop

..........but it was sole destroying.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

There's a man in my neighbourhood who is in the Guinness Book of Records for having forty three concussions.

He lives very close actually, just a stone's throw away…

 

[Cavalol]

I went to a fancy dress party recently the host asked me: 'What have you come as?'
'Oh, I'm a harp.'
'Your costume is too short to be a harp'
'Are you calling me a lyre?'

10/10, that’s fantastic.

 

[Cavalol]

We were discussing the best place to stay in Norfolk last night.
My missus says East Runton, I think Cromer but MC Hammer reckons you can’t touch Diss.

 

[ozboz]

 

[betty swollocks]

You may need your spectrecles to understand this joke. I laughed so much I had an ectoplasm.....

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Lullabelle]