Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

"IT'S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY"​

and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!​

​

 

[swee'pea99]

"Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!"

You remind me of the story told (as true) by that nice Mr Fry on QI about the Burns translation into German, which was then re-translated back into English, with the line ending up as 'Mighty Fuhrer of the sausage people'.

 

[guitarpete247]

A Geordie lad's school was closed due to the weather and had to go to a school in Sunderland for the week. After his first day his Dad asked him how he'd got on.
"We did English and I came top of the class".
"That's greet son. You show them Mackems".
The next day his Dad asked him again how he'd got on.
"We did Maths and I came top of the class".
That's greet son. You show them Mackems".
The next day his Dad asked again.
"Weell Dad. We did PE. Them Mackem boys have only got little willy's. Mine's much bigger. Is that cos Ah'm a Geordie?"
"Nah son. It's cos they're 11 and your 25".

 

[Stringy Bob]

I went toThailand recently, and very nearly ended up having sex with a ladyboy. It was uncanny, she looked like a woman, talked like a woman and even walked like a woman. It was only after she drove me back to her place and was reversing the car into the drive when I though, hold on a minute........................

 

[jayonabike]

Had an accident?

Not your fault?

You're obviously a woman.




I have got a lot of respect for Lance Armstrong, winning the Tour de France on drugs.

Last time I rode a bike on drugs, I thought E.T was in the basket and I ended up in my neighbour's hedge wearing women's clothes.




Amsterdam is a lot like the Tour de France.

It's just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes.

 

[screenman]

Paddy got a letter in the post this morning.




It landed on the floor, says on the envelope DO NOT BEND.




He’s still wondering how to pick it up!

 

[srw]

I see we're back in the 1970s again, after a welcome 21st century absurdist interlude.

 

[Cheddar George]

I see we're back in the 1970s again, after a welcome 21st century absurdist interlude.

I don't get it ????

Should i be reading it in a regional accent ?

 

[beanzontoast]

I had to give up working at the orange squash factory.










Found it hard to concentrate.

 

[beanzontoast]

My job at the non-permanent tattoo parlour didn't last long either.








Got a transfer.

 

[Stringy Bob]

Two friends meet for the first time in years. One asks the other, "Do you still play golf with Tony". The other says, hell no way. Would you want to play golf with someone that's always late, turns up half pissed, is obnoxious and openly flirts with your wife and clearly wants to sleep with your 16 year old daughter. The other says no way. And his mate says, "Well, turns out neither would Tony".

 

[machew]

A Policeman came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. I replied Kindergarten

 

[tony111]

My mate's a big Bob Marley fan, his wife's just left him and taken the satellite tv system with her...........now he's got no woman, no Sky.

 

[Boon 51]

What's the first sign of madness......



















Suggs walking up the drive...

 

[smokeysmoo]

The woman asked the pharmacist, "Do you have Viagra?"

"Yes," he answered.

She asked, "Does it work?"

"Yes," he answered.

She said, "Can you get it over the counter?"

He said, "I can if I take two madam"