betty swollocks
large member
I ate too much middle eastern food yesterday,
I now felafel.
I now felafel.
Last edited:
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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betty swollocks
large member
One day all of Henry VIII's servants took sickies claiming they were hungry and had bad colds.
He didn't believe them and had the lot beheaded.
Which just goes to show what happens when empty vassals fake the moist nose.
He didn't believe them and had the lot beheaded.
Which just goes to show what happens when empty vassals fake the moist nose.
Welsh wheels
Lycra king
- Location
- South Wales
What did the puffin say to the waiter after he had finished his desert?
Put it on my bill
Put it on my bill
What cheese would you use to coax a grizzly out from a cave?
Camembert
What did the cheese say in the mirror?
Halloumi
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese
A French cheese factory exploded
There was debrie everywhere
How should you unwrap crumbly Welsh cheese?
Caerphilly
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
Pelicans and HMRC have something in common .
They can both shove bill up their rear end ....
confusedcyclist
Veteran
A bear walks into a bar.
He asks for a beer...
...
...
...
and a shot of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"
He asks for a beer...
...
...
...
and a shot of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"
I went to the off licence the other day on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off my bike, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off seven times on the way back.......
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off my bike, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off seven times on the way back.......
Welsh wheels
Lycra king
- Location
- South Wales
A bloke farted in an Apple store and stank up the whole shop. But's it their fault for not having windows.
I'll shut the door on my way out
I'll shut the door on my way out
flake99please
We all scream for ice cream
- Location
- Edinburgh
Just having a drink and a chat with a bloke over a pint in the pub just before heading home yesterday. I discovered he was worth around £4 million and he shared the amazing story of how he got so rich.
Basically, when he left school he had little or no formal qualifications but he was good with his hands and he knew how to sell. He knew he was never going to make it in an office job so it was nose to the grindstone time.
He told me how he left school at 15 and bought an old caravan cheap and spent a few weeks fixing it up, he then sold it for profit. He then used the money to buy another and so on. He did this a lot over the next 35 years, buying, repairing, selling, buying again.
He eventually moved onto motorhomes in the 90's and then onto cars in the last eight or nine years even during the real bad times he plugged away.
He worked long hours sometimes not seeing his wife and kids for days in pursuit of his goal.
Then his uncle died and left him £4 million.
Basically, when he left school he had little or no formal qualifications but he was good with his hands and he knew how to sell. He knew he was never going to make it in an office job so it was nose to the grindstone time.
He told me how he left school at 15 and bought an old caravan cheap and spent a few weeks fixing it up, he then sold it for profit. He then used the money to buy another and so on. He did this a lot over the next 35 years, buying, repairing, selling, buying again.
He eventually moved onto motorhomes in the 90's and then onto cars in the last eight or nine years even during the real bad times he plugged away.
He worked long hours sometimes not seeing his wife and kids for days in pursuit of his goal.
Then his uncle died and left him £4 million.
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
He was having dinner on expenses with his colleague, a duck, and they sent the bill to his boss, the Platypus.
Duck billed platypus.
Profpointy
Legendary Member
True story: a friend of a friend used a dictionary to work out how to ask for the bill in a restaurant in france "le bec s'ill vous plait"
betty swollocks
large member
Q: why do ghouls and demons get on so well?
A: because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
A: because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
betty swollocks
large member
Some Corsican terrorists just blew up an old restaurant in Ajaccio.
It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
betty swollocks
large member
My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel.
She’s a dominatwix.
She’s a dominatwix.
betty swollocks
large member
There has been an outbreak of bovine novovirus in Austria.
The hills are alive, with the sound of moo sick.
The hills are alive, with the sound of moo sick.
