Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

Edit.....oops wrong thread
On the original recording of Bat Out of Hell Meatloaf had a bad throat so they brought Vera Lyn in to do the main vocals.

 

[Smokin Joe]

I went to a Yoga class today and asked the instructor if she could teach me to do the splits.

"How flexible are you?" she asked.

I replied, "I can't do next Tuesday".

 

[Smokin Joe]

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[flake99please]

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office.... I will find you.

You have my word.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

My son a keen cyclist is devastated he does not have asthma.

 

[johnnyb47]

Today I went to some flowers on my mum's grave. After tidying it up ,I went for a sit down on the bench in the cemetery to reminisce about bygone times.
I couldn't help notice that there were four guys walking around the graveyard carrying a coffin. They must of walked round the cemetery at least four times carry this :-). I thought "they've clearly lost the plot"

 

[welsh dragon]

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.

I the end, i had to take his bike away from him.

 

[Andy_R]

The 5 symptoms of laziness:
1.

 

[TVC]

A vegan, a bitcoin dealer and someone who didn't vote in 2016 walk into a bar. Who tells you about it first?

 

[welsh dragon]

A man walks into a boomerang sbop.

"I'd like to buy a new boomerang. And can you please tell me how to throw the old one away"?

 

[TVC]

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Did you hear about the car driver that looked?
No, neither did I!

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[TVC]