Any good jokes ... ?

[Threevok]

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey, until I turned myself around

and that's what it's all about.

No ?

 

[ClichéGuevara]

At this time of the year, there's nothing I like better than sitting in front of a roaring fire with a glass of mulled wine, a bag of roasted chestnuts, and singing Christmas carols.

Mind you, it meant I lost my job as a fireman!

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I'm going to miss my dad this Christmas, but I know he'll be up there, looking down at us all.

Moaning about the broken stair lift.

 

[screenman]

Is this allowed?

 

[derrick]

Is this allowed?

View attachment 387121

Have you posted in the right thread?

 

[screenman]

Have you posted in the right thread?

Not a clue.

 

[betty swollocks]

I once was unfortunate enough to suffer at the hands of a gangster who yanked people’s underpants up really tight.

It was Wedgie Kray.

 

[betty swollocks]

A woman gives birth to twins and unfortunately has to give them up for adoption. The first one’s new family are in Spain and name him ‘Juan’. The other goes to Egypt, where his call him ‘Amal’. 21 years later, Juan tracks down his real mum and sends her a photo of himself. She runs to her husband to show him and professes she wished she had a picture of Amal too. Her husband replies,
“They’re twins darling: once you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

 

[betty swollocks]

I said to the clerk in the ticket office,
“I want to go to Paris.”
“Eurostar?”
“Well, I’ve been on telly, but I’m no Dean Martin.”

 

[betty swollocks]

I once entered a local paper’s pun competition and sent in ten different puns in the hope one of them would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

[betty swollocks]

The last time I went to a Chinese restaurant, this duck presents me with a red rose and whispers in my ear,
“Your eyes sparkle like diamonds.”
I called to the waiter,
“Waiter, I wanted a-ROMATIC duck.”

 

[mrcunning]

Is this allowed?

View attachment 387121

sexist,deserves a ban...lol

 

[Threevok]

Before we got married, my wife and I came to an agreement to ban all puzzles from the house.

Thanks to this, we've been married 18 years and never a crossword.

 

[Threevok]

Walking past a building site, I saw a sign "handyman wanted" so decided to walk in and apply

The foreman said "Can you lay bricks?"
I said "No"
The foreman said "Can you plaster?"
I said "No"
The foreman said "Are you any good at carpentry?"
I said "No"
Then the forman asked "Just how exactly are you handy?"
I said "I only live around the corner"

 

[morrisman]

Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo...

We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...