Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

Tough run of fixtures for Enya's new Rugby club....

Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)

Superb!

 

[welsh dragon]

I was playing chess with my friend when he said "lets make this interesting".

So we stopped playing chess.

 

[welsh dragon]

What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling?

Mistletoad.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "I've already got a cat at home."

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is it one, or two?
One? Or two?

 

[Tim Hall]

A guy was sent from East Germany to work in Siberia. He knew his mail would be read by censors, so he told his friends: “Let’s establish a code. If a letter you get from me is written in blue ink, it is true what I say. If it is written in red ink, it is false.” After a month, his friends get the first letter. Everything is in blue. It says, this letter: “Everything is wonderful here. Stores are full of good food. Movie theatres show good films from the west. Apartments are large and luxurious. The only thing you cannot buy is red ink

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

 

[Tim Hall]

How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is it one, or two?
One? Or two?

How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, two, one, two.

 

[mrcunning]

 

[morrisman]

 

[Threevok]

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb ?

Only one, but the light bulb has to make a conscious life decision to change

 

[mrcunning]

It's been 7 hours and 15 days since my wife left me because of my obsession with Sinead O'Connor

 

[mrcunning]

Jonathan Ross was arrested this morning for stealing kitchen utensils.

He said it was a whisk worth taking.

 

[mrcunning]

Went to the sperm clinic earlier.
The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?

I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready for competition yet'

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I need a second opinion.

In a test, I was asked how many seconds there are in a year. I put 12, and they say I'm wrong!!

Which ones am I missing? I got January 2nd, February 2nd....