Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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jefmcg
Guru
If it's under communism, then it's Leningrad, not St Petersburg.
D
Deleted member 26715
Guest
And charge the UK for the privilege
D
Deleted member 26715
Guest
What do you call a hide & seek playing dinosaur
jefmcg
Guru
"The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife."
- Jo Brand
- Jo Brand
T4tomo
Legendary Member
Last night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital's A&E. I had tubes up my nose, down my throat and all round my head. There were wires monitoring every function. I had a hell of a pain in my left ear, and there was a gorgeous nurse hovering over me.
It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident
The nurse looked at me deep & steady. I heard them slowly say, 'You may not feel anything from the waist down.'
I managed to mumble, 'That's a shame, I was about to cop a feel of your penis?'
It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident
The nurse looked at me deep & steady. I heard them slowly say, 'You may not feel anything from the waist down.'
I managed to mumble, 'That's a shame, I was about to cop a feel of your penis?'
Not good at all.........you can't use the word "cop"Very good.
betty swollocks
large member
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man, who asked him for a couple of quid for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted a tenner and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago."
"Will you spend this on bike parts instead of food?"
"Are you NUTS! I haven't had a bike in 20 years!"
"Well, I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
"That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and bikes."
The man took out his wallet, extracted a tenner and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago."
"Will you spend this on bike parts instead of food?"
"Are you NUTS! I haven't had a bike in 20 years!"
"Well, I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
"That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and bikes."
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
I was working in Tesco's last night when I bumped into a lady I have just started dating. I was rearranging the washing powder in aisle 7 at the time and she came over to me and said " you liar, you told me you were a stunt pilot "
I said no, I told you I worked for The Ariel Display Team....
I said no, I told you I worked for The Ariel Display Team....
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
My friend can only sleep on stacks of old magazines. He's got back issues.
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
...and he said to me, "you know how it is in life, as one door closes, another one opens".
I said, "I realise that, but you'd either better fix it, or give me one hell of a discount on the car".
I said, "I realise that, but you'd either better fix it, or give me one hell of a discount on the car".
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
I was so cold today that my jaw started to freeze. So I gritted my teeth.
