Any good jokes ... ?

[johnnyb47]

The AA have warned that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel,
blankets,
sleeping bag,
extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves,
24 hours supply of food and drink,
de-icer,
rock salt,
torch,
spare battery,
petrol can,
first aid kit and jump leads.
I felt a right idiot on the bus!

 

[User482]

Dolphins are so intelligent, that within a very short time of being in captivity, they teach humans to throw them fish from the side of the pool.

The fortune cookie wisdom thread is thataway.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

 

[ClichéGuevara]

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

 

[Moderators]

A number of comments have been removed from this thread as they were part of a debate regarding the content of one of the jokes. The correct process, if a post causes offence, is to lodge complaints via the post report system and not to start an in-thread debate.

Two post reports following the correct procedure have been received and, after due consideration of them, the post reported is deemed not to have contravened any of the site rules. The post, therefore, stands.

Members who continue the debate following this note will be permanently excluded from the thread.

 

[benb]

or the archaeologist who thought he had found the snowmens burial ground, it was actually just a field of carrots

It's not easy being an archeologist: your life's in ruins.

 

[User482]

Q. If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?

A. Discrimination.

 

[Drago]

I murdered my tourettes suffering twin brother by pushing him off a cliff.

I was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

 

[morrisman]

There's two feet of snow here

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

How many Marxists does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?

None - the lightbulb contains the seeds of it's own revolution

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

What has 15 windows that will never open?

Max Clifford's advent calendar.

 

[PaulSB]

What do you call a bear with no ears?



B

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Jokes about sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar - Demerara.

 

[Mugshot]

Jokes about sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar - Demerara.

I thought the thread may have been moved to the mod area for some sort of trading standards issue, but we're back on track

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I was at the supermarket and looked three freezers down and saw the most beautiful busty blonde picking out Asian dinners. I took a quick glance at her hand and saw no wedding ring! Well, as you can imagine, I promptly did what any virile, red-blooded man would do with this opportunity...

I got really nervous, said absolutely nothing, and strictly avoided eye-contact at all costs.