Any good jokes ... ?

[Profpointy]

Did you hear about the dyslexic drunk who choked on his own Vimto.

and the dyslexic devil worshiper who sold his soul to Santa

 

[ClichéGuevara]

i just found out that 'Aarrggghh' isn't a real word. I can't even tell you how angry I am.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I went to a fund raising disco for the UK Dyslexic Association last night. It was great until the DJ played YMCA, then it was just mayhem.

 

[Smokin Joe]

The first drunk says, "These steps are nice and even".

The second one replies, "Yes, but the handrails are a bit low".

Then the train hit them.

 

[TVC]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Save money this Christmas by simply buying your kids an Easter Egg each and telling them they overslept.

 

[Hitchington]

Why are there only two Chuckle Brothers?

Because their dad had a vasectomy, vasectoyou...

 

[ClichéGuevara]

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 am and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied ---
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
"The officer then asked, "Really?
Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "The wife."

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Last night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital's A&E. I had tubes up my nose, down my throat and all round my head. There were wires monitoring every function. I had a hell of a pain in my left ear, and there was a gorgeous nurse hovering over me.
It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident.
She looked at me deep & steady. I heard her slowly say, 'You may not feel anything from the waist down.'
I managed to mumble, 'So it's okay if I just feel your boobs then?'

 

[TVC]

I tnink the time has arrived for the annual outing for this one:

Two snowmen are standing in a garden, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrotts?".

 

[roadrash]

or the archaeologist who thought he had found the snowmens burial ground, it was actually just a field of carrots

 

[Chris S]

I went to a fund raising disco for the UK Dyslexic Association last night. It was great until the DJ played YMCA, then it was just mayhem.

No dyslexia jokes, please. They're not big, they're not clever and they're not furry.

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

This thread also seems to attract jokes along the lines of `Aren't the Irish stupid?' which don't seem to bother anyone either unfortunately.

 

[Smokin Joe]

This thread also seems to attract jokes along the lines of `Aren't the Irish stupid?' which don't seem to bother anyone either unfortunately.

It doesn't bother me either, and I'm Irish. Some of the best Irish jokes were told by Irish comics.

 

[postman]

Been back to Specsavers.These new bifocals,i can't see very far with them.So they took me to the door,look up at the sky,can you see the sun,yes,well then how far do you want to see.