Any good jokes ... ?

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Profpointy

Legendary Member
Well if we're doing musician jokes, there's the bass player and drummer fighting. The manager breaks it up and demands an explanation. The bass player accuses the drummer of de-tuning his bass. "so what?" says the manager "twiddle it back in tune again"
"he won't tell me which string he's changed" complains the bassist.

Sorry if I first heard it upthread
 

Buck

Guru
Location
Yorkshire
Where's the capital of Zimbabwe?













In a swiss bank account :biggrin:
 
The sharing of marriage...

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered......








'THE TEETH.'
 
Last edited:

LCpl Boiled Egg

Three word soundbite
An elderly gentleman shuffles into a newspaper office and asks if he can place a piece in the obituaries section. “No problem sir,” says the girl behind the desk. “That’ll be a pound per word.” Nodding slowly, the old man writes “Doris Is Dead” on a piece of paper.
“Is that all you want to put?” asks the girl.
“I only have three pounds, my dear,” says the pensioner, starting to leave.
The girl, feeling sorry for the old man, says she will go up and speak to the editor. Moments later, she returns from the office, grinning broadly.
“Good news,” she says. “The editor says you can have another three pounds-worth of words.”
Smiling gratefully, the old man takes another piece of paper and thinks for a moment.
Shakily, he writes: “Doris Is Dead. Metro For Sale.”
 

Speicher

Vice Admiral
Moderator
I'll not ask you to post any letters for me.....

Yes, but I do know the difference.
 

betty swollocks

large member
IMG_1536.JPG
 
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