betty swollocks
large member
Go to Google maps and search for Letsby Avenue, Sheffield.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
Q: What's the definition of a gaffe?
A: A politician inadvertently telling the truth.
A: A politician inadvertently telling the truth.
Nigeyy
Legendary Member
- Location
- Massachusetts, USA
At last a movie for nerds.... Thor: Anorak
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betty swollocks
large member
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of You B*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son announce,
"All passengers disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue,
"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat, or in the racks above. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen."
She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of You B*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son announce,
"All passengers disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue,
"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat, or in the racks above. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen."
betty swollocks
large member
Beethoven's wife was leaving him.
He was distraught.
'Please don't leave me,' he begged, 'you're my muse: the source of all my inspiration!"
She scoffed,
"What me? The source of all your inspiration......
hahahaHAAAA
hahahaHAAAA."
He was distraught.
'Please don't leave me,' he begged, 'you're my muse: the source of all my inspiration!"
She scoffed,
"What me? The source of all your inspiration......
hahahaHAAAA
hahahaHAAAA."
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derrick
The Glue that binds us together.
- Location
- On the edge of London
I was asked what i looked for in a relationship.
Apparently "a way out" was not the right answer.
Apparently "a way out" was not the right answer.
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
What do you call a bear with no teeth.
A Gummy bear.
A Gummy bear.
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he went off to colege?
Bison.
Bison.
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
People criticise shops for starting selling Christmas stuff too early.
Well our supermarket has birthday cake and mine isn't for another 7 months!
Well our supermarket has birthday cake and mine isn't for another 7 months!
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
RANDOM THOUGHTS.
* If you attempt to rob a bank you won't have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful.
* Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
* What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
* If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
* Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
* The letter W, in English, is called double U. Shouldn't it be called double V?
* Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
* Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
* Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
- 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
- Your future self is watching you right now through memories.
- The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.
- If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
- Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.
- If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
* If you attempt to rob a bank you won't have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful.
* Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
* What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
* If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
* Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
* The letter W, in English, is called double U. Shouldn't it be called double V?
* Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
* Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
* Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
- 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
- Your future self is watching you right now through memories.
- The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.
- If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
- Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.
- If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
I went to a really trendy nightclub last night. The doorman said to me, "Sorry mate, you've had too many!"
I said, "What, drinks?" He said, "No, birthdays!"
I said, "What, drinks?" He said, "No, birthdays!"
simon the viking
Guru
How does Gary Barlow and his wife know when their dishwasher is broken.....
There's lipstick marks still on the coffee cups
There's lipstick marks still on the coffee cups
