Any good jokes ... ?

[Alan Frame]

Two women discussing their husbands' jobs.

"Mine works for Cunard".

"Nah, mine's bone idle"

 

[johnnyb47]

Who says paper dead :-)

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_gOZDWQj3Q

 

[TVC]

Last Halloween I was arrested for making anyone dressed as Dracula give me piggybacks. I was found guilty on four counts.

I've just driven through Wolverhampton, and either everyone's trick or treating or no one is.

Gary Delaney.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

My Granddad knew from the beginning that the Titanic would sink. He warned everyone but no one would listen.

He tried a few more times until he finally got kicked out of the cinema.

 

[Electric_Andy]

Breastfeeding rant:

"Anyone who complains about breastfeeding in public should STFU. Breastfeeding is totally natural and just strengthens the bond between me and my dog."

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I won two goldfish at the fair. I called them one and two.

My mate asked me why I called them one and two.

I thought it was obvious. If one dies, I'll still have two.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Breastfeeding rant:

"Anyone who complains about breastfeeding in public should STFU. Breastfeeding is totally natural and just strengthens the bond between me and my dog."

I used to do that, but I find his teeth chafed on my nipples.

 

[AndyRM]

I've started rating constellations.

Orion's Belt: ***

 

[Profpointy]

I've started rating constellations.

Orion's Belt: ***

but the Plaiedes gets a whopping *******

 

[Threevok]

I've started rating ailments

I give constipation a solid 2

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I've started rating constellations.

Orion's Belt: ***

but the Plaiedes gets a whopping *******

The pole star doesn't seem to be living up to its name.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I've started rating ailments

I give constipation a solid 2

I'm struggling to work that one out.

 

[AndyRM]

I'm struggling to work that one out.

Try using a pencil.

 

[flake99please]

Or a kilo of dry roasted peanuts.

 

[Sharky]

Doesn't it annoy you when people ask you what you will be doing in three years time.

They must think I have 20 20 vision.