Any good jokes ... ?

[Smokin Joe]

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.

At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."

Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"

The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Remember, every single corpse on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person.

Stay lazy my friends.

 

[TVC]

Source unknown.

 

[morrisman]

The next person to ask me for some orange juice, some pineapple juice, some cranberry juice and a slice of lemon all in the same glass is gonna get a punch.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Sunday is National Used Car Dealers Day.

The clocks get put back.

 

[Hitchington]

It’s hard to find a funny chemistry joke any more.
All the best ones Argon.

 

[Kestevan]

It’s hard to find a funny chemistry joke any more.
All the best ones Argon.

I'm going to be noble about this and not react.

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

It’s hard to find a funny chemistry joke any more.
All the best ones Argon.

This joke seems to resurface... Periodically.

Graham

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Whilst we get an extra hours sleep on Sunday, spare a thought for the National Trust Volunteers who work tirelessly through the night to move the stones back 1 hour at various stone circles around the country side. This is done twice a year to make sure the stones align correctly with the sun.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

This joke seems to resurface... Periodically.

Graham

Oh don't put him off, he's in his element.

 

[TVC]

Whilst we get an extra hours sleep on Sunday, spare a thought for the National Trust Volunteers who work tirelessly through the night to move the stones back 1 hour at various stone circles around the country side. This is done twice a year to make sure the stones align correctly with the sun.

As Professor Spooner reminded me earlier, the cocks go black tonight.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Sunday is National Used Car Dealers Day.

The clocks get put back.

Clocks going back is just daylight robbery.

 

[welsh dragon]

I was in a pub one day and two old men were sitting next to me. One looked straight ahead and said.

"See those two old drunks there? That will be us in ten years time"

His friend looked to where he friend was pointing and said.

"That's a mirror you idiot".

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Terrible gas explosion at the cheese factory last night. De brie everywhere.

 

[rich p]

It's better as an audio gag - especially when Bob Mortimer told it.

Have you ever shoe-ed (?) a horse?
No, but I've told a donkey to fark off.