Any good jokes ... ?

[ClichéGuevara]

I've had to close my Chicken Dating Agency due to financial problems.



I was struggling to make hens meet

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Police have confirmed a man has been arrested in Easingwold after falling into a combine harvester whilst trying to steal it.

He is due to be bailed tomorrow.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

A Gazelle can jump higher than a house.

This is due to its insanely strong hind leg strength, bone strength, low overall weight and the fact that houses cannot jump.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I couldn't believe it yesterday, when I got home and was told by my wife that my 10 year old daughter wasn't actually mine.

She says that I need to pay more attention when picking her up from school.

 

[Cavalol]

They're having a 'dress like a Jamaican day' at work tomorrow. I'm dreading it.

 

[Threevok]

You remind me of this, originally posted here (I now discover) eight years ago...

A guy is driving through Hartlepool and sees a sign in front of a house
that reads, "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell to inquire and
the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the
backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.....

Reminds me of the talking dog that walked into a Job Centre and asked for employment
After just one phone call, the man behind the counter announced that he had found the dog a job with Billy Smarts Circus
To which the dog replied - "What does he want with a plasterer?"

 

[morrisman]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.

 

[Nibor]

What do we want
A cure for alzheimers
When do we want it
What?

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

 

[Cavalol]

My wife was in an accident, earlier.
She got ran over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
The police rang and said,
"Mr Davies, there's no easy way of telling you this...

 

[subaqua]

My wife was in an accident, earlier.
She got ran over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
The police rang and said,
"Mr Davies, there's no easy way of telling you this...

My wife got hit by a blue lorry and red lorry. She was marooned on a traffic island ......

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Apparently the average British couple has sex three times a week, whereas Japanese couples have sex only one to two times a year.

This is upsetting me no end.










I had no idea that I was Japanese.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I'm thinking of keeping gun dogs but don't know where to begin. Can anyone give me some pointers?

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Took my son out for his first pint the other day,
First round got two pints of carling, he didn't like it, I drank them both.
next round I got Stella, he didn't like it, l drank them both.
Next was cider, same result, as was three types of bitter and Guinness.
By the time it came to leave, I could hardly push his pram!!!

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Schrödinger took his cat to vets....

The vet said I've got some good news and some bad news.