Any good jokes ... ?

[Gasman]

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists around the Top End of Oz.etc.

I used to tell a similar one about the Lone Ranger and Tonto. Alternatively...

Lone Ranger and Tonto were tracking a bad guy. Tonto gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground.

"Buffalo come," he says.

"How can you tell?" asks LR

"Face sticky!!"

 

[postman]

Amazing i did not know that car showrooms stayed open late on a Saturday.I have just seen a pigeon put a deposit on a Bmw.

 

[ufkacbln]

No way, that is so sad.

It was sad the first 6 times he died............

 

[screenman]

It was sad the first 6 times he died............

Wow! Who would have snowboard cats could write computer software.

 

[postman]

Mrs Postman has just phoned to say she is in Casualty.Not going to watch it,going to watch NZ v The Lions it's on at 11-00.

 

[Chromatic]

Mrs Postman has just phoned to say she is in Casualty.Not going to watch it,going to watch NZ v The Lions it's on at 11-00.

Don't bother, we lost.

 

[Welsh wheels]

Did you hear about the hole in the nudist camp wall? The police are looking into it.

 

[swee'pea99]

Food concession stand owners at Glastonbury have complained of unfair competition after Jeremy Corbyn fed the festival with five loaves and two fishes

 

[Vapin' Joe]

I had a fight with my alarm clock this morning and it got violent. The alarm clock got broken and I lay there wide awake.

I'm not sure who won that fight.

 

[Doseone]

There are two types of people in this world:
1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

 

[Markymark]

Things that nobody has ever said ever, No. 174

"Wow that was a great 98 mile bike ride"

 

[Dirk]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Property prices in London are going absolutely mental. Some daft old biddy has just paid £1bn for a house on Downing Street.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Why does Jeremy Corbyn like advent calendars?

Because he gets to open the door to No 10.

 

[Markymark]

Why does Jeremy Corbyn like advent calendars?

Because by Christmas he'll probably be prime minister?