ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists around the Top End of Oz.
On their way to Kakadu he was describing the amazing abilities of the Australian Aborigines to track Man or Beast over Land, through the Air and under the Sea.
The Americans Tourists were incredulous.
Later in the day, as the group rounded a bend on the highway they discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine.
He had one Ear pressed to the White Line, whilst his left Leg was held high in the Air..!
The Tour Bus stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine...
"Hey Jacky," said the Tour Guide, "What are you Tracking and what are you Listening for..?"
The Aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute... It's a Red One… the left front Tyre is bald... The front end is out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel... There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm Sherry. There are 3 Kangaroos on the roof rack and 4 Dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge. "Good Lord man, how do you know all that information"..??? asked one tourist.
The Aborigine replied:...
"Cos Boss, I fell out of the farking thing about half an hour ago!!..
On their way to Kakadu he was describing the amazing abilities of the Australian Aborigines to track Man or Beast over Land, through the Air and under the Sea.
The Americans Tourists were incredulous.
Later in the day, as the group rounded a bend on the highway they discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine.
He had one Ear pressed to the White Line, whilst his left Leg was held high in the Air..!
The Tour Bus stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine...
"Hey Jacky," said the Tour Guide, "What are you Tracking and what are you Listening for..?"
The Aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute... It's a Red One… the left front Tyre is bald... The front end is out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel... There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm Sherry. There are 3 Kangaroos on the roof rack and 4 Dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge. "Good Lord man, how do you know all that information"..??? asked one tourist.
The Aborigine replied:...
"Cos Boss, I fell out of the farking thing about half an hour ago!!..
Last edited by a moderator:
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
In 2013 Hasbro were purrsuaded to replace the iron with a cat. So one women can now play with her..... oh never mind.
I've just been reading of a case in the Crown Court where a woman is on trial for murdering her husband with a selection of his finest guitars.
'First offender?' asks the judge only for the woman to reply, 'No. I hit him first with a Gibson and then with a Fender.'
I most likely won't need my coat today, will I?
'First offender?' asks the judge only for the woman to reply, 'No. I hit him first with a Gibson and then with a Fender.'
I most likely won't need my coat today, will I?
flake99please
We all scream for ice cream
- Location
- Edinburgh
People used to laugh when I said 'I'll be a comedian one day'....
Well they're not laughing now !
Well they're not laughing now !
Will the real Bob Monkhouse stand up please?
flake99please
We all scream for ice cream
- Location
- Edinburgh
A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."
The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she replied.
"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."
The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she replied.
"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"
Arjimlad
Tights of Cydonia
- Location
- South Glos
Did you have to go in a "hambulance" ??
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
He mustard done
glasgowcyclist
Charming but somewhat feckless
- Location
- Scotland
Apparently his symptoms included a severe dose of the trotters.
