Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
Air crash investigators were listening to the black box recordings after a 747 crashed into a mountain. The last thing they heard was the pilot saying to his co-pilot, "What the hell is a goat doing on top of that cloud?"
Last edited:
Maverick Goose
A jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place
- Location
- A champagne supernova in the sky
How many Tory MPs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Err, we're not too sure who's going to change it...
Err, we're not too sure who's going to change it...
flake99please
We all scream for ice cream
- Location
- Edinburgh
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
derrick
The Glue that binds us together.
- Location
- On the edge of London
A Tory would pay a minion to do it.
Thus creating employment. What a kind bunch!A Tory would pay a minion to do it.
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
What did the spanish farmer say to his chickens?
Olé
What musical instrument do Spanish fishermen play?
Castanets
I may have posted these before but this kind of hilarity is worth repeating...
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Think I can wait until Christmas (crackers) for gems like that. Once a year is more than adequate, TYVM.
glasgowcyclist
Charming but somewhat feckless
- Location
- Scotland
I was touring in Ireland a while back and got a bit lost when I spotted a farmer standing at his farm gate.
I asked him, "How do you get to Connemara from here?"
He thought for a bit and replied, "Me brother takes me."
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
What kind of fish is made up entirely of sodium?
2Na
2Na
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
reading the wine stopper thread made me think of this.
An army recruiting sergeant opens up the High Street office and sits down at his desk. Very soon a chap comes in and says he wants to join the army.
"Right, name?" asks the sergeant.
"James McCoy"
"Civilian occupation?"
"I'm a sock tucker."
"?"
"A sock tucker. I work in a haberdashery shop, and we display socks on bits of cardboard in the window. My job is to tuck the socks on the bits of cardboard. I'm a sock tucker."
"Orright," says the sergeant, "Durham Light Infantry for you, I think." And off the bloke goes.
Next chap comes in and says he wants to join the army.
"Name?"
"James McCoy."
"Eh? says the sergeant. "The last chap we had in here was called that."
"Well, that's my name."
"Orright. Civilian occupation?"
"I'm a coke stacker. I drive a JCB in a coal yard stacking up piles of coke. I'm a coke stacker."
"Orright, we'll put you in the Coldstream Guards." And off he goes.
Third bloke comes in and gives his name as...
"James McCoy."
"Are you taking the piss?" asks the sergeant. "The last two blokes gave that as their name."
"No, honestly. Here's my passport." Sure enough, that was the bloke's name.
"Right. OK. Civilian occupation?"
"I'm a cork soaker. I work in a brewery and the corks need to be wet before they are put in the bottle tops. That's my job. I'm a cork soaker."
"Bloody hell," says the sergeant, "there are some funny jobs about. Right, I sending off to the REME."
Forth bloke comes in, and lisps: "I want to join the Army."
The sergeant is now convinced that he is the victim of an elaborate practical joke and says: "I suppose your name is James McCoy?"
"Yeth!" says the chap
"And you are a sock tucker or a coke stacker or a cork soaker?"
"Oh no!" says the chap, as he puts a more than friendly hand on the sergeant's knee, "I'm the real McCoy.
An army recruiting sergeant opens up the High Street office and sits down at his desk. Very soon a chap comes in and says he wants to join the army.
"Right, name?" asks the sergeant.
"James McCoy"
"Civilian occupation?"
"I'm a sock tucker."
"?"
"A sock tucker. I work in a haberdashery shop, and we display socks on bits of cardboard in the window. My job is to tuck the socks on the bits of cardboard. I'm a sock tucker."
"Orright," says the sergeant, "Durham Light Infantry for you, I think." And off the bloke goes.
Next chap comes in and says he wants to join the army.
"Name?"
"James McCoy."
"Eh? says the sergeant. "The last chap we had in here was called that."
"Well, that's my name."
"Orright. Civilian occupation?"
"I'm a coke stacker. I drive a JCB in a coal yard stacking up piles of coke. I'm a coke stacker."
"Orright, we'll put you in the Coldstream Guards." And off he goes.
Third bloke comes in and gives his name as...
"James McCoy."
"Are you taking the piss?" asks the sergeant. "The last two blokes gave that as their name."
"No, honestly. Here's my passport." Sure enough, that was the bloke's name.
"Right. OK. Civilian occupation?"
"I'm a cork soaker. I work in a brewery and the corks need to be wet before they are put in the bottle tops. That's my job. I'm a cork soaker."
"Bloody hell," says the sergeant, "there are some funny jobs about. Right, I sending off to the REME."
Forth bloke comes in, and lisps: "I want to join the Army."
The sergeant is now convinced that he is the victim of an elaborate practical joke and says: "I suppose your name is James McCoy?"
"Yeth!" says the chap
"And you are a sock tucker or a coke stacker or a cork soaker?"
"Oh no!" says the chap, as he puts a more than friendly hand on the sergeant's knee, "I'm the real McCoy.
Welsh wheels
Lycra king
- Location
- South Wales
They threw me out of the cinema today for bringing my own food. But come on – the prices are way too high, plus I haven’t had a barbecue in months
That's Steven Wright. Saw him do that one in Liverpool.
