Welsh wheels
Lycra king
- Location
- South Wales
I brought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's ok. He woke up.
It's ok. He woke up.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
If Slash from Guns & Roses was Scottish, would he be called Pish?
Maverick Goose
A jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place
- Location
- A champagne supernova in the sky
I went out to buy some eggs, but I couldn't find any, as they'd all ended up on Theresa May's face.
flake99please
We all scream for ice cream
- Location
- Edinburgh
My heavily pregnant daughter and I got on a bus today. It was packed,so l politely asked this young man to get out of his seat so my daughter could sit down.
The man said 'no way dude' so l dragged him out of his seat, and threw him off the bus. l then sat my daughter in the seat.
She turned round to me and said,"Why did you do that? You can't expect me to know how to drive this bus,"
The man said 'no way dude' so l dragged him out of his seat, and threw him off the bus. l then sat my daughter in the seat.
She turned round to me and said,"Why did you do that? You can't expect me to know how to drive this bus,"
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
In breaking news. A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour rub overturned on the M6 near Birmingham. Police say there will be no congestion for at least 12 hours.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
The price of alliance with the DUP is the Tories have to include their new friends in Brexit negotiations. The Conservative Unionist Negotiating Team arrive in Brussels next week.
midlife
Guru
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
A friend and i were walking past a dog who was licking his nuts the other day. My friend said "i wish i could do that". I said " if your really nice to him and give him a few treats, he might let you".
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have a £9,000 insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly £1,000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for almost twenty-three years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a 9 incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a 9 incher before and you decide to only invest in a 5 incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes, I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor
"We're getting granite counter tops.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have a £9,000 insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly £1,000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for almost twenty-three years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a 9 incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a 9 incher before and you decide to only invest in a 5 incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes, I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor
"We're getting granite counter tops.
srw
It's a bit more complicated than that...
It seems unlikely that was really a Tony Benn line!
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
Welsh wheels
Lycra king
- Location
- South Wales
Why did the old man fall down a well? He couldn't see that well.
