Any good jokes ... ?

[flake99please]

Wanted.... Some Left Guard for my other armpit.

 

[Smokin Joe]

I ran over my neighbour's cat's back leg last night. I went round to tell him and he asked, "Is he all right?"

I said, "Not really, he was scratching his head at the time".

 

[Electric_Andy]

My neighbour asked me to watch his cat and his mother whilst he was on holiday. He rang up a couple of days later and asked how the cat was. I said "I'm sorry, it got run over and it's dead."

The neighbour said "my god man, you could have broken it to me gently. The first time I rang you could have said the cat is up on the roof. The next day you could have said the firemen were trying to retrieve it and were doing all they can. Then the next day I rang you could have said, sadly, despite all their best efforts, the cat fell and was killed instantly but the firemen said it would not have suffered".

I said, "I'm sorry, I should have been more considerate".

The neighbour said "bye the way, how's my mother?"

I said, "well, she's up on the roof."

 

[Smokin Joe]

I got a phone call today and the voice on the other end said, "Is that 5 55 555?"

"Yes it is", I said.

The voice said, "Can you do me a favour and dial 999 and tell them I've got my finger stuck in the five?"

 

[DaveReading]

'Stuck in'?

Easily done.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Not recently. It's a very old joke, on a par with the ones about telephone exchange girls.

So what, I'm a very old bloke.

 

[Smokin Joe]

I sat next to a bloke on a bus today and he gave me a long, sour look.

I thought, "Bloody typical, the bus is empty and I still end up next to the nutter".

 

[ufkacbln]

Not recently. It's a very old joke, on a par with the ones about telephone exchange girls.

Most large organisations have telephone exchanges

Which brings us to,...

Caller: Operator! Operator! Do you know my boyfriend's line has been busy for an hour?
Operator: No, but if you hum a few bars, I might be able to sing along with you.


There were also the Naval replies as you picked up a phone on a boring duty

War Office - Wanna fight
Trafalgar Square - Duty Pigeon
Battersea Dogs home -Duty Mutt
Stonehenge, Duty Driud

Or from one guy who was a "Prisoner" fan
He was asked ... is that 2223 - "I am not a number, I am a free man!!"

 

[Profpointy]

Most large organisations have telephone exchanges

Which brings us to,...

Caller: Operator! Operator! Do you know my boyfriend's line has been busy for an hour?
Operator: No, but if you hum a few bars, I might be able to sing along with you.


There were also the Naval replies as you picked up a phone on a boring duty

War Office - Wanna fight
Trafalgar Square - Duty Pigeon
Battersea Dogs home -Duty Mutt
Stonehenge, Duty Driud

Or from one guy who was a "Prisoner" fan
He was asked ... is that 2223 - "I am not a number, I am a free man!!"

The cross caller then says "don't you know who I am? I'm General sucha such". Answerer's pompous reply "don't you know who I am?" "no" "good !, you can f£#k off then"

 

[ufkacbln]

The cross caller then says "don't you know who I am? I'm General sucha such". Answerer's pompous reply "don't you know who I am?" "no" "good !, you can f£#k off then"

Colleague had a call at work for the Duty Lab Tech..... He replied in a similar vein

 

[ufkacbln]

Switchboards.

Sorry - don't understand the punch line

 

[ufkacbln]

It's OK, I saw your earlier, even less funny, response, the one you then removed. I wouldn't expect you to get the joke.

Did anyone?

 

[User33236]

 

[slowmotion]

Switchboards.

[media]
]View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXeZYtYabtI[/media]

 

[subaqua]

Switchboards.

sorry. they are exchanges. Private Branch Exchanges (PBX)

switchboard was a colloquialism for telephony. . a switchboard was what the Knife/ blade switches controlling elastictrickery to the building were fixed to