Stephenite
Membå
- Location
- OslO
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
smokeysmoo
Legendary Member
- Location
- Bolton, not very far from Nob End
COPPER WIRE
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, ‘The British Archaeological Society of Northern England’ reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely bugger all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Makes you proud to be British
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, ‘The British Archaeological Society of Northern England’ reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely bugger all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Makes you proud to be British
martint235
Dog on a bike
- Location
- Welling
[QUOTE 2179994, member: 1314"] Oh dear - wrong angle for a shot...[/quote]
You've got to put that on Facebook
You've got to put that on Facebook
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
[QUOTE 2179994, member: 1314"] Oh dear - wrong angle for a shot...[/quote]
The smile on her face suggests that camera angle has nothing to do with it.......
The smile on her face suggests that camera angle has nothing to do with it.......
First Christmas Joke (?)
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'
.................................................................................................................................
And So The Christmas Season
Begins......
Begins......
Tarbo
Well-Known Member
- Location
- Gogledd Cymru : North Wales
I went Christmas shopping today and went into Sports Direct and noticed they have introduced the Jimmy Savile tracksuit.
You get an adults top but have to squeeze into children's bottoms !
You get an adults top but have to squeeze into children's bottoms !
smokeysmoo
Legendary Member
- Location
- Bolton, not very far from Nob End
Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out."
They both were very faithful, loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery.
One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them.
Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it... so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home.
The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over.
He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst!
My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that read:
"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"
They both were very faithful, loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery.
One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them.
Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it... so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home.
The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over.
He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst!
My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that read:
"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"
smokeysmoo
Legendary Member
- Location
- Bolton, not very far from Nob End
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes................
He's a Catholic converter
He's a Catholic converter
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
A mate of mine took his car to a Jewish run garage and asked them to Simoniz it.My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes................
He's a Catholic converter
They cut six inches off the exhaust pipe.
I know I'm quite emotional anyway, even so this story especially touched me...... XXX A couple was Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and the whole place was heaving, packed with other last minute shoppers. Walking through the shopping centre the surprised wife looked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen. She knew they had lots still to do and she became very upset. She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phoned then used it to call her husband to ask him where he was. The husband in a calm voice replied: "Darling, you remember the jewellery shop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would get it for you...?" His wife's eyes filled with tears of emotion, she began to cry softly and stifling a sob she whispered:"Yes, I remember that jewellery shop..." . . "Well," he said, "I'm in the pub next to it!"
Keep \em short but for this one, I make-a de exception-a
Luiggi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.
After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, £300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Luiggi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luiggi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?'
Luiggi answers, 'I see the reflection ina my new £300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?'
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, 'Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?'
Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luiggi, I do, but how do you know that?'
He replies, 'I see the reflection ina my new £300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?'
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luiggi asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face turns red.
He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart… Please, please tella me you wear no panties tonight… Please, please, tella me this true!'
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luiggi, I wear no panties tonight.'
Luiggi gasps, 'Thanka God ... I thought I had a CRACK ina my £300 Armani leather shoes.....................!'
Luiggi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.
After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, £300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Luiggi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luiggi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?'
Luiggi answers, 'I see the reflection ina my new £300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?'
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, 'Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?'
Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luiggi, I do, but how do you know that?'
He replies, 'I see the reflection ina my new £300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?'
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luiggi asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face turns red.
He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart… Please, please tella me you wear no panties tonight… Please, please, tella me this true!'
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luiggi, I wear no panties tonight.'
Luiggi gasps, 'Thanka God ... I thought I had a CRACK ina my £300 Armani leather shoes.....................!'
Ron-da-Valli
It's a bleedin' miracle!
- Location
- Rorke's Drift
You know those birthday cake candles that you blow out and they relight? Well there was a fire at the factory that makes them last week, and the week before, and the week before that!
A teacher at a Wigan school reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-a-sed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-a-sed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."
Maz
Guru
You've been watching Soccer AM.
