Any good jokes ... ?

[thom]

What do you call a Frenchman who's been attacked by a bear..........

.........Claud

That's my new favourite crap joke ;-)

 

[Ron-da-Valli]

Sports Direct have introduced the Jimmy Savile tracksuit. You get an adults top but have to squeeze into children's bottoms.

 

[swee'pea99]

That's terrible. Reminds me of all the old Michael Jackson jokes...How do you know when it's time for bed. When the big hand reaches the little hand...

 

[TVC]

Bloke goes to the Doctors'
"Doc, I think I've got a small lettuce growing out of my bum"
The physician proceeds to examine him.
"I'm sorry" says the doc "It's worse than you think, that's just the tip of the iceberg".

 

[Cubist]

What does a one legged man wear on the beach?


A flip flip

 

[tony111]

Told the wife I'd dreamt that I'd written The Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings. She said, " You've been Tolkien in your sleep again".

 

[derrick]

 

[Maz]

What do you call a bloke with a slice of bacon on his head?
Hamed
What do you call a bloke with two slices of bacon on his head?
MoHamed

 

[Cubist]

What do you call a bloke with a slice of bacon on his head?
Hamed
What do you call a bloke with two slices of bacon on his head?
MoHamed

Two slices of bacon on his head and a sheep under his arm?

Mohamed Aslam

 

[Cubist]

Lahori DIY expert?

Ahmed Arshed

 

[colly]

Two slices of bacon on his head and a sheep under his arm?

Mohamed Aslam

Two slices of bacon on his head, a sheep under his arm and a cow's head under his other arm ?












F***ing nutter !

 

[Hitchington]

A little boy runs up to his mother, saying "Mummy,
mummy! Why am I called Leaf?" His Mother replies:
"Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".

The next day, his little sister runs up, saying
"Mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "Because when you were a baby,
a petal fell on your head".

The next day, their little brother limps up, saying:
"sgfkljds mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".

 

[RhythMick]

Couple walking around a garden centre, husband says "isn't that a film star over there? There, by those flowers, isn't that Michael J Fox?"

Wife says "I can't tell, he's got his back to the fuchsias..."

Sorry ...

 

[Maz]

Two slices of bacon on his head and a sheep under his arm?

Mohamed Aslam

If he's got a sheep under each arm...MoHamed Ba-Ba.

 

[colly]

Mummy polar bear and baby polar bear are sitting on an iceberg watching the world pass by.
Baby: Mum, we're polar bears right?
Mum: Yes
Baby: And we are meant to be here on the ice?
Mum: Yes
baby: So we aren't brown bears then?
Mum: No. Polar bears.
Baby: And polar bears live on the ice?
Mum: Yes.

A bit of time passes.

Baby: I'm not a grizzly bear then ?
Mum: No, I told you. We are polar bears.

A bit of time passes.

Baby: Not black bears then.
Mum. NO. For God's sake why all the questions?
Baby: 'cos I'm bloody FREEZING.