Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

I dropped two T's in my beer last night. Made it better.

 

[shouldbeinbed]

I've been sacked from my job on the dodgems.

I'm suing them for funfair dismissal

 

[Smokin Joe]

I once had a girlfriend who was learning to drive when I met her. So she passed her test and the day after she took me out in her new car. We drove into a car park and the only space left involved a fairly tight reverse to get into it.

She said, "Oh my God, I'm not sure I can do this, I hate reversing".

So I said, "Look darling, I'm sure you'll be fine. Just do exactly what you did when the examiner asked you to reverse round a corner yesterday".

So she lent across the seat and undid my trousers...

 

[welsh dragon]

Harry the seal was playing near the rocks close to the shore when he saw his friend George the the killer whale. Harry grabbed an octopus that was swimming by and swam towards George. When he got along side George, Harry threw the octopus in the air, swung it around his head, slammed it down into the water, threw it to George. "Here you go George " Harry said. "Heres that six squid I owe you".

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

15st 9lbs on Earth is only 5st 11lbs on Mars.

I'm not fat, just on the wrong planet.

 

[Markymark]

15st 9lbs on Earth is only 5st 11lbs on Mars.

I'm not fat, just on the wrong planet.

<pedant> I think you'll find your mass (which is 15st 9lbs)doesn't change wherever you are. Your weight (often mistaken for mass) does</pedant>

 

[Andy_R]

<pedant> I think you'll find your mass (which is 15st 9lbs)doesn't change wherever you are. Your weight (often mistaken for mass) does</pedant>

<uber pedant>I think you'll find your mass does change depending on your location. In the Vatican, for example, it tends to be in Latin...</uber pedant>

 

[macp]

Ok but I warned you

Why are elephants wrinkled - answer: have you ever tried ironing one
Why does a hoover suck - answer: it doesnt have any teeth

 

[PeteXXX]

Which of these is correct...
The yolk of an egg is white.
Or
The yolk of an egg are white?






Neither.. The yolk of an egg's yellow

 

[ClichéGuevara]

<uber pedant>I think you'll find your mass does change depending on your location. In the Vatican, for example, it tends to be in Latin...</uber pedant>

Love it. It was funnier than the joke.

 

[Smokin Joe]

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: 'Hello mate, how are you doing?'

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied 'Not too bad thanks.'

After a short pause, I heard the voice again 'So, what are you up to?'

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, 'Just having a quick crap... How about yourself?'

The next thing I heard him say was "sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some prat in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say.'

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: 'Hello mate, how are you doing?'

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied 'Not too bad thanks.'

After a short pause, I heard the voice again 'So, what are you up to?'

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, 'Just having a quick crap... How about yourself?'

The next thing I heard him say was "sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some prat in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say.'

Brilliant! Thanks for that, it really brightened up my day.



Graham

 

[machew]

Harry the seal was playing near the rocks close to the shore when he saw his friend George the the killer whale. Harry grabbed an octopus that was swimming by and swam towards George. When he got along side George, Harry threw the octopus in the air, swung it around his head, slammed it down into the water, threw it to George. "Here you go George " Harry said. "Heres that six squid I owe you".

<pedant>An octopus is not a squid. Octopodes and squids are both part of the Mollusks, which include snails and bivalves like climbs. Unlike other mollusks octopodes and squids have lost their hard outer shell. This is completely lost in the octopus, while the squid still retains a stiff-like structure, called pen, that acts as a backbone.
</pedant>

 

[welsh dragon]

<pedant>An octopus is not a squid. Octopodes and squids are both part of the Mollusks, which include snails and bivalves like climbs. Unlike other mollusks octopodes and squids have lost their hard outer shell. This is completely lost in the octopus, while the squid still retains a stiff-like structure, called pen, that acts as a backbone.
</pedant>

Oooh. Get you.

 

[ufkacbln]

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: 'Hello mate, how are you doing?'

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied 'Not too bad thanks.'

After a short pause, I heard the voice again 'So, what are you up to?'

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, 'Just having a quick crap... How about yourself?'

The next thing I heard him say was "sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some prat in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say.'

This was a photo of the Guildhall loos in Portsmouth.... would have allowed a direct conversation!