Any good jokes ... ?

[AndyRM]

*Ignores thread*

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

*Ignores thread*

It's a feckin ham bush, a HAM BUSH! That's quality joke-telling right there I tell you!

 

[welsh dragon]

Why are elephants so wrinkled?

Because they take to long to iron

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Albert calls on his close mate Cedric and says ... listen mate! I'm sleeping with the vicar's wife, can you keep him talking in church for an hour or so after services for me ?
Cedric doesn't like it, but being Albert's long time friend, he agrees reluctantly.
After the Sunday service, he starts talking to the vicar, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the vicar gets a bit annoyed and asks Cedric what he's really up to ?

Cedric, feeling most guilty, finally confesses to the vicar. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.

The vicar smiles with a beaming grin and puts a brotherly hand on Cedric's shoulder and says...My son! You'd best hurry home right now, because MY wife died two years ago!

 

[Andy_R]

Another of my son's favourites:

What's green and fluffy?



Green fluff.

 

[welsh dragon]

What's blue and fluffy. Pink fluff holding its breath

 

[Levo-Lon]

Man tells his wife he will be wearing his Gold Olympic condom later...
she says ohh, why not wear silver and come second for a change??..

 

[Markymark]

Man tells his wife he will be wearing his Gold Olympic condom later...
she says ohh, why not wear silver and come second for a change??..

Oh there's a rude follow up about it ending up bronze that I definitely won't do....

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Is that where it's from? I don't remember who I heard it from.

Nah - it's even older than that.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Another of my son's favourites:

What's green and fluffy?



Green fluff.

He's at THAT age is he?

 

[Smokin Joe]

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

 

[Cubist]

I rang the local radio station quiz line the other day. The presenter got really excited
"You've got the chance to win a really special mystery prize" she said "Are you any good at maths?"

"Well, I got an A at A level if that's any good" I said

"You just have to answer a simple maths question and you will win two tickets plus backstage passes to see Justin Bieber" she babbled excitedly "Are you ready for the question?"

"Yes" I replied "as ready as I ever will be"

"OK, what's two plus two?"

"Seven" .

 

[welsh dragon]

As everyone knows mahatma Ghandi, walked barefoot which gave him calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him quite frail. And as a results of his poor diet He had bad breathe.

To sum up his problems he was a super calussed fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

As everyone knows mahatma Ghandi, walked barefoot which gave him calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him quite frail. And as a results of his poor diet He had bad breathe.

To sum up his problems he was a super calussed fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Reminds me of the headline when Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat Celtic

Super Caley go ballistic Celtic are atrocious.

One of the few fun things football related IMHO

 

[welsh dragon]

I had a job interview today. The interviewer said that the starting pay is £7.00 per hour rising to £15.00 per hour in three months time.

He asked me when I can start, and I replied in three months.