Any good jokes ... ?

[Profpointy]

I may or may not have told this joke on here before, I can’t remember.

I heard it a while ago and thought it was great, but I haven’t found anyone to agree with me yet.

A man with a banana in each ear gets on a train, and sits down at a table opposite a teenager. The teenager can’t help staring at him, wondering why he has bananas in his ears. After a few minutes she can’t fight the curiosity. She meets the man’s eye and leans forward.

“Excuse me mister, I just wanted to know…. Why have you got bananas in your ears?” she asked.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you- I have bananas in my ears,” replied the man.

That's as bad as ...

"my dog has no nose"
"how does he smell?"
"he doesn't. He's got no nose"

 

[Andy_R]

This was my son's favourite joke, when he was about 6:

"What's brown and sticky?

A stick."

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

Well, if it's got that bad...


What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

 

[Starchivore]

I'll have you know that joke has deep social subtext.

 

[welsh dragon]

I'll have you know that those jokes are God awful. lol

 

[Profpointy]

What is brown, and sounds like a bell?




......Dung !

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?

It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.

 

[rikki]

...

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you- I have bananas in my ears,” ....

That was in a Sesame Street skit in nineteen seventy something. It's still funny

 

[Diggs]

With the Edinburgh fringe now in the papers(esp the top ten jokes articles) , I'm expecting a fluffy of updates on here

 

[Starchivore]

That was in a Sesame Street skit in nineteen seventy something. It's still funny

Is that where it's from? I don't remember who I heard it from.

 

[AndyRM]

Is that where it's from? I don't remember who I heard it from.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Who cleans the ocean?

Mer-maids.

 

[Dave7]

While we are telling really poor crimge-worthy jokes.
A guy has one ear full of strawberry flavoured jelly and the other full of custard & cream.
Someone one asks him......"why have you got jelly, custard & cream in your ears"?
The guy says.......


You will have to speak louder......I'm a trifle deaf.

 

[AndyRM]

Please... Please make it stop...

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "

"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees a ham bush...."