Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Wasn't much after that that I heard it. You can only bring a joke up to date so far though. After all, the original mixup was putty and vaseline, and the newlyweds are unlikely to need either these days.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Wasn't much after that that I heard it. You can only bring a joke up to date so far though. After all, the original mixup was putty and vaseline, and the newlyweds are unlikely to need either these days.
It was indeed vaseline.....I had forgotten that
Reminds me of the other old one. Mother to newly married daughter "dont forget....plenty of vaseline".
Daughter is so nervous it takes her ages to get ready so in the end hubby lights a fag up.
Daughter phones mother to day "what should I do.....hes smoking"
Mother says...........
"I told you to use plenty of vaseline
1. Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
2. Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake.
3. I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
5. I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
6. I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
7. Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
8. Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.
9. Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
10. I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
11. I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
12. A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore
13. Just got a job playing triangle in a reggae band. I stand at the back and ting.
14. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
15. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
16. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
17. I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
18. My wife's working in a bowling alley.
Ten pin?
No, permanent.
19. Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
20. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
21. Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
22. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
23. I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.
24. Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
25. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down
26. Dad: I’ve just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome.
Mum: Is it common?
Dad: It's Not Unusual
27. My wife asked me if I could please stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybe.
Sorry.
2. Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake.
3. I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
5. I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
6. I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
7. Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
8. Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.
9. Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
10. I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
11. I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
12. A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore
13. Just got a job playing triangle in a reggae band. I stand at the back and ting.
14. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
15. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
16. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
17. I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
18. My wife's working in a bowling alley.
Ten pin?
No, permanent.
19. Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
20. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
21. Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
22. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
23. I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.
24. Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
25. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down
26. Dad: I’ve just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome.
Mum: Is it common?
Dad: It's Not Unusual
27. My wife asked me if I could please stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybe.
Sorry.
We're seeing him on Friday night, I'll apologise. Not sure Tim Vine will be too happy either.
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Not done a lot for Tim Vine's career either.
raleighnut
Legendary Member
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- One of the 'Elite'
U
User169
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I'm not going to the show, the 'Snap' was for the commentsbeing posted simultaneously.
I pretty much stopped
raleighnut
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All of them, and it'll take at least 2 years...
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Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Once they get around to starting to change it.
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- Location
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