Any good jokes ... ?

[Rezillo]

If you ever feel like your job is pointless, just remember there's a poor sap in Bavaria who spends his days installing indicators on BMWs.

I had no idea they even bothered fitting them. I assumed BMW had some kind of device, that I was immune to, where drivers' supersized egos telepathically transmitted their intent to all and sundry to suddenly brake and completely change direction.

 

[KEEF]

 

[wheresthetorch]

Went to Waterstones yesterday. I asked, "Do you have any books on shelves?"

 

[Fnaar]

My next door neighbour, has accused me of stealing her washing!
She says if it happens again, she's going to involve the Police...
I was so frightened, I nearly wet her knickers!

 

[threebikesmcginty]

My daughter came back with this one last week...

I've got a knock knock joke but you have to start.

Me: ok, knock knock
Her: who's there?
Me:

Oh how we laughed.

 

[ufkacbln]

865.974

The Number of the Beast (in Euros)

 

[theclaud]

DOCTOR: Your leg is broken
ME: So what happens now?
D: We put in a cast & it'll recover naturally
HORSE: [sticks head round curtain] WHAT?!!


@ArfMeasures

 

[Levo-Lon]

Just read the swear thread..

 

[EnPassant]

 

[PaulB]

Talking about dogs, yesterday I lost my tree....so I pinned a picture of it on to the side of a dog.

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

I got mugged yesterday.
He said, "Give me all your money or you're geography."
I said, "Don't you mean history?"
He said, "Don't change the subject."

 

[welsh dragon]

A recent survey has shown that one In three men are just as stupid as the other two.

 

[TVC]

I got some viagra eye drops and gave my wife a hard look.

 

[ufkacbln]

Jeremy Corbyn and the Shadow Cabinet have started taking Viagra - now Cameron has some stiff opposition

 

[wheresthetorch]

I keep getting phone calls from people wanting to look into my pee-pee eye.
Disgusting.