Any good jokes ... ?

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welsh dragon

welsh dragon

Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
raleighnut said:
Can I give that multiple likes. :becool:...................................Class. :notworthy:
Click to expand...


Thank you sir. :laugh:
 
U

ufkacbln

Guest
@slowmotion

From your World Domination post asking about phones

Peter Anspach has some wonderful,tips on his 'Evil Overlord" site that may be of use to you

Here is a sample, the first 20 of 100 tips

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord



  1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.


  2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.


  3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.


  4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.


  5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.


  6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.


  7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."


  8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.


  9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.


  10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.


  11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.


  12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.


  13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.


  14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.


  15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.


  16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."


  17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.


  18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.


  19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.


  20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
Click to expand...
 
slowmotion

slowmotion

Quite dreadful
Location
lost somewhere
Cunobelin said:
@slowmotion

From your World Domination post asking about phones

Peter Anspach has some wonderful,tips on his 'Evil Overlord" site that may be of use to you

Here is a sample, the first 20 of 100 tips
Click to expand...

Splendid! I will commission a cohort of mid-West nimble-fingered grandmothers to embroider that into an elaborate hanging for my ICFWD............



........before ignoring their pleas for payment......
 
welsh dragon

welsh dragon

Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
A man thought his wife was going deaf, but didn't know how to broach the subject to his her so he called the family dr for advice.

The Dr said " there is a simple test to see how bad her hearing is. Stand 40 feet away from her and ask her question. If she doesn't reply, move to say 30 feet away and ask the same question. If she still doesn't reply, keep moving closer, asking her the same question until she answers you".

That night the husband stands about 40 feet away and says to his wife in a normal voice " honey. What's for dinner". No response.
He moves to stand 30 feet away and says " honey. What's for dinner". Again no response.
He keep moving forward 10 feet at time until he is right behind his wife. "What are we having for dinner" he asks.

"Dammit Fred. For the 5th time, we're having chicken".
 
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