Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
"Mushy bees" 
I'm still giggling
I'm still giggling
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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My grandpa used to tell that one!
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
A dust covered cowboy gallops into town on a half dead horse and shouts...
'Big Jakes a'coming
'
Amid screams and panic, the streets soon clear, curtains are closed, doors are locked, its soon looks like an ghost town.
Maybe an hour later a mountain of a man appears in the distance, carrying his injured horse over his shoulders. He struggles, sweating up the street and enters the bar. Bartender shakes and tentatively asks...
'What can i get ya.....on the house
'
'Triple whiskey' growls man mountain
Man mountain sloshes it down in one...
'Can i get ya another ?'
'No, i aint got time..........Big Jakes a'comin'
'Big Jakes a'coming
'Amid screams and panic, the streets soon clear, curtains are closed, doors are locked, its soon looks like an ghost town.
Maybe an hour later a mountain of a man appears in the distance, carrying his injured horse over his shoulders. He struggles, sweating up the street and enters the bar. Bartender shakes and tentatively asks...
'What can i get ya.....on the house
''Triple whiskey' growls man mountain
Man mountain sloshes it down in one...
'Can i get ya another ?'
'No, i aint got time..........Big Jakes a'comin'
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her tourettes...
Turns out she doesn't have it....
Apparently I am a c**t and she does want me to f**k off...
Turns out she doesn't have it....
Apparently I am a c**t and she does want me to f**k off...
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
Apple store was robbed today. Police appealing for an iWitness.
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!!
Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!"
The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head" clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
"He should've quit while he was a head!
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!!
Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!"
The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head" clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
"He should've quit while he was a head!
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
You failed to mention the surprise present that his father gave him before going to the pub. The son guessed what it was by the packaging and expressed his gratitude:
"Not another farking hat dad!"
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Why do Bee Gees fans take their holidays in Cornwall?
Cos you can still see Morris dancing there!
Cos you can still see Morris dancing there!
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
simon.r
Person
- Location
- Nottingham
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
