Oldbloke
Guru
- Location
- Mayenne, France
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
who starts off with a Rolling Stone, ends up with a fossil?... answers on a postcard please...
I'm happy for the couple really... I just wish I knew the lizard people word for congratulations...
I'm happy for the couple really... I just wish I knew the lizard people word for congratulations...
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
To quote her from years ago "Never be too busy to give him a BJ".
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
Just watched an Agatha Christie porn film...
By the end of it the butler was just about the only one who hadn't done it...
By the end of it the butler was just about the only one who hadn't done it...
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
I could post a link here but I'd probably get thrown off the forum.
BTW the link is just a font colour change for those that tried clicking on it.
The interview!
The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
"This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a chemist, winking, and asked for aspirin!"
The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
"This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a chemist, winking, and asked for aspirin!"
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the Race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life.
Be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the Race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life.
Be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Levo-Lon
Guru
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
So the new year diet is going well!
Today I burnt around 2,000 calories!!!
I left the pizza in the oven too long...
Today I burnt around 2,000 calories!!!
I left the pizza in the oven too long...
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
When I was twelve I could go into a shop with a pound and come out with a can of coke, a bag of liquorice allsorts and a magazine.
Nowadays even the corner shops have CCTV.
Nowadays even the corner shops have CCTV.
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
Why doesn't Moses go to Starbucks for a coffee?
Hebrews it himself.
Hebrews it himself.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
The Pope gets shot and is rushed to hospital.
He comes to as he's being wheeled through the hospital.
As he dazedly looks around he says "Oh my goodness, am I in heaven?"
The Dr alongside the gurney says "No, we're just taking a shortcut through the children's ward"
He comes to as he's being wheeled through the hospital.
As he dazedly looks around he says "Oh my goodness, am I in heaven?"
The Dr alongside the gurney says "No, we're just taking a shortcut through the children's ward"
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
I am doing well with dry January . I have had 7 Pinot Grigio and 8 Sauvignon Blanc so far.
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
Anyone see the news report about corduroy pillows?
It's made all the headlines.
It's made all the headlines.
