Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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jayonabike
Powered by caffeine & whisky
- Location
- Hertfordshire
I woke up this morning next to my naked wife with a hard-on. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a Thai bride.
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
I posted a really funny joke on another forum but the thread got locked and deleted so I'd better not post it here.
Several years ago, Mike was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Mike was a good person and made arrangements for Mike to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Mike was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large countertop which he had promised his wife. So he called Mike into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.
But, alas, Mike refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place".
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large countertop which he had promised his wife. So he called Mike into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.
But, alas, Mike refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place".
Milo
Guru
- Location
- Melksham, Wilts
Why does Karl Marx drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
apologies if it has been done already.
Because proper tea is theft.
apologies if it has been done already.
jayonabike
Powered by caffeine & whisky
- Location
- Hertfordshire
My sex change operation from male to female went really well yesterday. In fact it was so successful I'm still trying to reverse out of the hospital carpark.
Hover Fly
Lazy so and so
- Location
- Besides the lake, beneath the trees
I lost the key to my mistress's flat.When I told her she said "You'll be getting no new key off me."
betty swollocks
large member
That made me snigger: thank you.
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
Not much of a punch line...
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
It's all about the delivery as well.
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
Pretty poor all round, he should stick to driving a taxi for a living.
The Olympics .....
The Romanian’s have taken Gold, Silver and Bronze.... along with copper, lead, brass and the wrought iron.
The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show off the medals they’ve won to the kids who made them.
“We’ll win the most medals” was the quote before the Olympics by the Chinese team captain, Chee Ting Twat.
A couple of weeks ago I knew nothing about the Olympics, now I can't wait for next year's.
All those millionaire Premier League footballers could learn a thing or two from our Olympic heroes.
The ability to read and write for example.
Congratulations to Nicola Adams for reaching the Olympic final of the Women's Fly Weight.
She has had to overcome years of sexism and innuendo in the sport to get this far. I, for one, am really looking forward to seeing her box.
Spelling is important, look! The difference between won and one: Great Britain have just won gold.
Australia have just one gold.
I see the Aussies aren't doing very well in the Olympics, but then: if they could run,
they wouldn't have been Australians in the first place.
If the British equestrian team have taught us one thing this week, it's that the only thing you need to win an Olympic medal
is hard work, dedication and tenacity. Oh yes, and for daddy to buy you a horse.
This morning, I've been watching the female athletes on the TV. Unfortunately, I now have a bad case of Ennis Elbow.
After seeing how poor the Chinese are in the running events at London 2012,
I'm gonna try my luck and not pay for my take-away tonight.
The head of the Somali Olympic squad has apologised to officials on behalf of their team
after realising that shooting and sailing were two separate events.
Team GB win gold in the fencing, after a competitor from Liverpool disposes of
three watches and two DVD players in under five minutes.
Beach Volleyball is a team sport. But I prefer to play with myself
The Romanian’s have taken Gold, Silver and Bronze.... along with copper, lead, brass and the wrought iron.
The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show off the medals they’ve won to the kids who made them.
“We’ll win the most medals” was the quote before the Olympics by the Chinese team captain, Chee Ting Twat.
A couple of weeks ago I knew nothing about the Olympics, now I can't wait for next year's.
All those millionaire Premier League footballers could learn a thing or two from our Olympic heroes.
The ability to read and write for example.
Congratulations to Nicola Adams for reaching the Olympic final of the Women's Fly Weight.
She has had to overcome years of sexism and innuendo in the sport to get this far. I, for one, am really looking forward to seeing her box.
Spelling is important, look! The difference between won and one: Great Britain have just won gold.
Australia have just one gold.
I see the Aussies aren't doing very well in the Olympics, but then: if they could run,
they wouldn't have been Australians in the first place.
If the British equestrian team have taught us one thing this week, it's that the only thing you need to win an Olympic medal
is hard work, dedication and tenacity. Oh yes, and for daddy to buy you a horse.
This morning, I've been watching the female athletes on the TV. Unfortunately, I now have a bad case of Ennis Elbow.
After seeing how poor the Chinese are in the running events at London 2012,
I'm gonna try my luck and not pay for my take-away tonight.
The head of the Somali Olympic squad has apologised to officials on behalf of their team
after realising that shooting and sailing were two separate events.
Team GB win gold in the fencing, after a competitor from Liverpool disposes of
three watches and two DVD players in under five minutes.
Beach Volleyball is a team sport. But I prefer to play with myself
