Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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rikki
Legendary Member
- Location
- Limestone Coast, South Australia
Sex on the Sabbath
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin, because he is not sure if sex is WORK or PLAY.
So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search,
I am positive that sex is WORK and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks, "What does a Priest know about sex?So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man,
and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.
Sex is WORK, and therefore not for the Sabbath.
Not pleased with this reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority, a man of thousands of years of tradition and knowledge.
In other words, he goes to see a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely PLAY.
Shocked, the man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure it is PLAY when so many others tell me sex is WORK?"
The Rabbi softly speaks,
"If sex were WORK, my Wife would have the Maid do it.
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin, because he is not sure if sex is WORK or PLAY.
So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search,
I am positive that sex is WORK and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks, "What does a Priest know about sex?So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man,
and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.
Sex is WORK, and therefore not for the Sabbath.
Not pleased with this reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority, a man of thousands of years of tradition and knowledge.
In other words, he goes to see a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely PLAY.
Shocked, the man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure it is PLAY when so many others tell me sex is WORK?"
The Rabbi softly speaks,
"If sex were WORK, my Wife would have the Maid do it.
Last edited by a moderator:
A computer science geek is walking across campus when his friend cycles up to him on a brand new bike.
"Wow, like your new bike, where did you get it?" he asks
"Well you'll never believe this but I was sat in the park studying when this beautiful girl cycles up to me, throws her bike on the ground, strips off all her clothes and says "I'm yours, take whatever you want""
"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway"
"Wow, like your new bike, where did you get it?" he asks
"Well you'll never believe this but I was sat in the park studying when this beautiful girl cycles up to me, throws her bike on the ground, strips off all her clothes and says "I'm yours, take whatever you want""
"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway"
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
Adam Hills jumps in with 2 left feet, well he would if....
Silver Fox
Guru
I went to the doctors today with stomach pains.
He gave me a rectal examination and removed £1800 in used notes from my arse.
I'm glad he did, I wasn't feeling too grand.
He gave me a rectal examination and removed £1800 in used notes from my arse.
I'm glad he did, I wasn't feeling too grand.
Stephenite
Membå
- Location
- OslO
What do Las Vegas and Glasgow have in common?
They're the only two places in the world you can pay for sex with chips
They're the only two places in the world you can pay for sex with chips
Stephenite
Membå
- Location
- OslO
Sometimes when I can't sleep I try counting sheep, but my ADHD is a bloody nightmare.
One sheep, two sheep, dog, pig, old McDonald, Hey Macarena!
One sheep, two sheep, dog, pig, old McDonald, Hey Macarena!
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
A new shop's just opened near me that supplies cheap goods to women in exchange for naked photos of themselves. It's called Tit for Tat.
smokeysmoo
Legendary Member
- Location
- Bolton, not very far from Nob End
CAKE OR BED?
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GENERAL ELECTRIC WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE HOME DEPOT WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS ..................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO......................................DO YOU SEE DELIA SMITH WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
Sory for the caps, copied straight from an email I received.
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GENERAL ELECTRIC WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE HOME DEPOT WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS ..................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO......................................DO YOU SEE DELIA SMITH WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
Sory for the caps, copied straight from an email I received.
Ron-da-Valli
It's a bleedin' miracle!
- Location
- Rorke's Drift
This bloke offered me a 42in HD tv, stuck on full volume, for just £1. I couldn't turn that down.
