Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

Knock knock!
Who's there?
A little boy.
A little boy who?
A little boy who can't reach the doorbell.

 

[gaz71]

BREAKING NEWS - A man who took an airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

 

[Andy_R]

I asked the librarian if they had a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not..

 

[john59]

Saw my mate sat at the bar looking really miserable.
"What's up Dave?"
I asked
"My budgie is dying"
he answered, ...
"Oh dear, what's wrong with it then?"
"It's got this big growth on its head"
"Oh, is that all?"
I replied, that's just bone, you can take a metal file and gently file it away, he'll be fine"
"Really?"
Dave asked
"That's great news! Let me buy you drink"
Next day, there's Dave even more unhappy looking than before.
"What's up mate"
I ask
"My budgie died last night"
he replied
"shoot! Don't tell me you actually tried to file a lump of his head with a metal file!"
"No" he answered
"Didn't get that far.
Poor little bastard died in the vice."

 

[Cubist]

What do you call a Chinese woman with a food mixer on her head?

Blenda

 

[Easytigers]

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

 

[Andy_R]

What do you call a man with no knees?

Tony

erm........not going to state the bloomin obvious, but......something wrong with that joke

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

I asked the librarian if they had a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not..

Eddie Izzard - Pavlov's cat

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whwiMrBNWCA

 

[AM1]

My wife has left me for a weather man

She'll be mist....

 

[Easytigers]

erm........not going to state the bloomin obvious, but......something wrong with that joke

Thank you! One of the kids in class told it to me and I messed it up!

 

[AM1]

I'm starting to worry that my addiction to Helter Skelters is starting to spiral out of control..

 

[Easytigers]

His next one was better...
What do you call a lady who sets fire to all of her bills?

Bernadette

 

[AM1]

The funeral was held today for the inventor of Air Conditioning

Thousands of fans turned up..

 

[AM1]

I loved my job at the kettle factory, in fact I was really in my element

 

[gaz71]

My pet cat died yesterday,he climbed into the washing machine.At least he died in comfort.