Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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gaz71
Über Member
- Location
- teddington
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Because he kneaded a poo.
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
I was chatting to my best mate the other day and telling him about this fantastic bar I'd just heard about.
Apparently you can go in there, get given free drinks all night and at the end of the evening you have your choice of the bar staff to go upstairs with and shag senseless...
He said it sounded great. Asked where it was.
I said I'd forgotten. I'd have to ask his sister again as she was the one raving about it...
Last edited:
glenn forger
Guest
First time I met the wife I knew she was a keeper.
She was wearing massive gloves.
She was wearing massive gloves.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
All cats are naturally left handed.
That's why you so rarely see them using scissors.
That's why you so rarely see them using scissors.
gaz71
Über Member
- Location
- teddington
Chris Eubank has written a book about Ethics.If its a success he"s intending on doing follow up books on Kent and Lancashire.
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Is he ignoring Thuthex.
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
Never trust a man who can be left alone with a tea cosy without trying it on.
I didn't bother to learn algebra, I'm never likely to go there.
I didn't bother to learn algebra, I'm never likely to go there.
wheresthetorch
Dreaming of Celeste
- Location
- West Sussex
Went to my allotment and found that there was twice as much soil as there was the week before.
The plot thickens.
The plot thickens.
U
User169
Guest
Had four tins of alphabet soup for dinner last night. Just had the most enormous vowel movement.
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like a beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited!
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like a beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited!
wheresthetorch
Dreaming of Celeste
- Location
- West Sussex
Good job you didn't do any damage. An excretion like that could spell disaster.
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
Pooetry in motion...
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
Thank goodness you weren't consonantipated after eating that lot.
