Any good jokes ... ?

[postman]

Creationists have Dogma.
Evolutionists ride anything they get their hands on.

I'll get my coat.

 

[Ajay]

A cerebral sheep joke.

A surveyor, an engineer and a topologist were each given the task of temporarily enclosing 100 lambs with the minimum amount of wire fencing to give each lamb a minimum of one square metre of space.

The surveyor said, "I need forty metres of fencing to create a square with 10 metre sides. That's 100 square metres. You can't do it with less fencing."

The engineer laughed and confidently said, "Give me 35.25 metres of fencing and I'll create an 11.28 metre diameter circle. That's 100 square metres. You definitely can't do it with less fencing - the circle is the most economical use of fencing to enclose a given space.

The topologist smirked and said, "Give me two metres of fencing and I'll do the job"

"Two metres??? No way!" said the surveyor and the engineer. "Show us"

The topologist calmly collected two metres of fencing, wrapped it around himself and declared himself to be on the outside. Job done!

Nice, although I had to do a quick google (got my topographers and topologists mixed up)

 

[swee'pea99]

A Shepherd once asked if I could count his sheep and then round them up. There were 137... So I told him there were 140
credit (?) to Carlton Kirby

That's a very baa'd joke.

 

[Dayvo]

A Shepherd once asked if I could count his sheep and then round them up. There were 137... So I told him there were 140
credit (?) to Carlton Kirby

Trust ewe!

I'll get my (sheepskin) coat.

 

[User169]

Ancient greek walks into the tailor's with a torn pair of trousers.

"Euripides?" Asks the tailor.

"Yeah, Eumenides?" Replies the man

 

[mrcunning]

Ive had to carbon date some of these jokes on here..

Some bloke keeps ringing me up singing Prince Charming and Stand and Deliver down the phone.
I've told him to fark off but hes adamant


Q: What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

 

[vernon]

Ive had to carbon date some of these jokes on here..

Some bloke keeps ringing me up singing Prince Charming and Stand and Deliver down the phone.
I've told him to fark off but his he's adamant


Q: What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder Pounder with Cheese.

Some old jokes can be funny if the spelling and punctuation is correct.

 

[swansonj]

Some old jokes can be funny if the spelling and punctuation is correct.

You really think correcting the spelling makes a difference?

 

[vernon]

You really think correcting the spelling makes a difference?

Not really, they were both dire.

 

[Dayvo]

Ancient greek walks into the tailor's with a torn pair of trousers.

"Euripides?" Asks the tailor.

"Yeah, Eumenides?" Replies the man

Did he get an 'Aristides' kind of repair in the seat?

 

[Roadhump]

I had a row with my wife last night, she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me and it only just missed my head. It must have been Lenor because it was a bit too close for Comfort.

 

[Ron-da-Valli]

I had a Yorkshire terrier once. I called him Grieg after the composer as he used to Peer Gynt Suite.

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

I had a row with my wife last night, she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me and it only just missed my head. It must have been Lenor because it was a bit too close for Comfort.

My wife threw a lettuce at me once. That's just the tip of the iceberg...

 

[Markymark]

My wife came down stairs screaming her head off at me. "You can't put your bikes in the kid's bedroom!"

"Is it ok if I put them in the shed instead?" I asked.

"Of course" she replied.

"Perfect" I said. "Kids, you're sleeping in the shed from now on."

 

[glenn forger]

The missus threw a prawn cocktail at me and that was just for starters.