Any good jokes ... ?

[TVC]

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

Half way.

 

[wheresthetorch]

I don't normally criticise my girlfriend's makeup, but we were about to go out and I had to tell her she'd drawn her eyebrows on way too high.

She looked really surprised.

 

[Thomk]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.

 

[TVC]

I don't normally criticise my girlfriend's makeup, but we were about to go out and I had to tell her she'd drawn her eyebrows on way too high.

She looked really surprised.

I think my wife has had too much botox, when I told her she didn't look surprised.

 

[gaz71]

My missus dumped me over my obsession with the band The Monkees.
I thought she was joking.......and then i saw her face.

 

[Moon bunny]

 

[TVC]

The Reverend Spooner asked me to remind you that the cocks go black tonight.

 

[vernon]

 

[vernon]

 

[glenn forger]

I wish Marty McFly had stopped the Holocaust but making his family a little bit richer and happier is okay too I guess.

 

[TissoT]

A guy parks up his car on a disabled parking Place , he gets out of his car and walks over the road
A traffic warden spots him and shouts , HEY WHATS YOUR AILMENT , the driver Shouts TOURETTES NOW F##K OFF

 

[john59]

A guy goes into his local bank and says to the manager, "I'd like to borrow £100,000 to open a cheese factory in Cheshire. It's gonna be great."
" Hold on a minute", says the bank manager. "There's already a company called Cheshire Cheese - you're gonna have to come up with something better than that."
The guy comes back next week, and says, "Right I've got it. I want to borrow £200,000 to open a cheese factory in France. It's gonna be called Brie Cheese."
"I'm afraid that one's already there too," says the bank manager. "Brie Cheese is world famous, so I can't lend you the money for that."
In a last ditch attempt, the man comes back in the following week. "Right", says the man, "I've got it. I want to borrow £500,000 to open a cheese factory in Israel."
"Oh, now we're talking," says the bank manager. "What are you going to call it?"
The man smiles proudly and says, "Cheeses of Nazareth'

 

[swee'pea99]

A guy goes into his local bank and says to the manager, "I'd like to borrow £100,000 to open a cheese factory in Cheshire. It's gonna be great."
" Hold on a minute", says the bank manager. "There's already a company called Cheshire Cheese - you're gonna have to come up with something better than that."
The guy comes back next week, and says, "Right I've got it. I want to borrow £200,000 to open a cheese factory in France. It's gonna be called Brie Cheese."
"I'm afraid that one's already there too," says the bank manager. "Brie Cheese is world famous, so I can't lend you the money for that."
In a last ditch attempt, the man comes back in the following week. "Right", says the man, "I've got it. I want to borrow £500,000 to open a cheese factory in Israel."
"Oh, now we're talking," says the bank manager. "What are you going to call it?"
The man smiles proudly and says, "Cheeses of Nazareth'

Little baby cheeses...

 

[glenn forger]

The mother of cheeses.

 

[steve50]

I must look really sexy in my new convertible BMW.

Loads of other motorists have signalled that they plan on having a fiddle later.