Any good jokes ... ?

[AndyRM]

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[postman]

Just had lunch not too keen on the genetically modified sandwich.Leg of salmon not to my taste.

 

[tyred]

Just had lunch not too keen on the genetically modified sandwich.Leg of salmon not to my taste.

Try the free-range haggis next.

 

[Greasy Gilbert]

Two cows in a field.
One cow looks at the horizon and goes "Moooo!"
The other one looks at her and says " Thats funny, i was just about to say that"

 

[Greasy Gilbert]

Two flies on a piece of sh*t.
One fly farts and the other says " You lousy ba**ard, im trying to eat my dinner here"

 

[Greasy Gilbert]

A veteran of the first world war was visiting a graveyard in Belgium to pay his respects to the fallen.Due to an old war wound he was unable to walk without dragging his left foot along the ground.
As he made his way through the cemetery he spied a fellow walking towards him walking in the same manner.
Thinking that this was a coincidence indeed, the first man pointed down to his own leg and proclaimed "Battle of Ypres, 1916, shell exploded ten yards away from me and a massive piece of shrapnel lodged itself just above my knee, i was lucky to keep my leg"
The other fellow, somewhat confused points down at his own leg and says "Got some dogs**t on my shoe!"

 

[craigwend]

 

[Slick]

Two cows in a field.
One cow looks at the horizon and goes "Moooo!"
The other one looks at her and says " Thats funny, i was just about to say that"

Two cows in a field, which one is going on holiday?

The one with the wee calf. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

 

[bruce1530]

A cow, a horse and a sheep are sharing a bed.

Cow says "MOOOve over"
Horse says "NEIGH problem", rolls over and knocks the sheep onto the floor.
Sheep says "BAAA...stards.."

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Try the free-range haggis next.

I have heard that the clockwise wild haggis are now very rare as they taste much nicer
A lot of restaurants substitute anti-clockwise haggis - or captive bred ones

still quite rare

(well - someone had to say it!)

 

[mistyoptic]

I have heard that the clockwise wild haggis are now very rare as they taste much nicer
A lot of restaurants substitute anti-clockwise haggis - or captive bred ones

still quite rare

(well - someone had to say it!)

Easy to identify. The clockwise ones have shorter right legs

 

[tyred]

 

[tony111]

2 flies stood talking on a pile of dog poo.
"Haven't seen you for a couple of weeks"...
" No, I've been on t'sick."