Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

I got caught masturbating in the newsagents last week.

It was all over the papers.

 

[tyred]

 

[Andy in Germany]

I'm thinking of putting this up in the training workshop I'm running. What do you think?

 

[Greasy Gilbert]

Gerry Rafferty was in his local discount supermarket when he bumped into Hugh Cornwell from the Stranglers.
They were chatting about this and that when suddenly Gerry gets a call on his mobile.
" Hey Gerry, it's Paul McCartney, are you free this morning to come round for a bit of a jam session and a chat about old times?"
To which Gerry replies..
" I'd love to Paul but at the moment I'm stuck in the Lidl with Hugh!"

Well done to anyone who got that one straight away.

 

[Sterlo]

Gerry Rafferty was in his local discount supermarket when he bumped into Hugh Cornwell from the Stranglers.
They were chatting about this and that when suddenly Gerry gets a call on his mobile.
" Hey Gerry, it's Paul McCartney, are you free this morning to come round for a bit of a jam session and a chat about old times?"
To which Gerry replies..
" I'd love to Paul but at the moment I'm stuck in the Lidl with Hugh!"

Well done to anyone who got that one straight away.

Get out now!!!

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[Dave7]

A guy says to his friend "my wife left me for my best friend, Frank yesterday"
The other guy asks "since when has Frank been your best friend"?
He says "since yesterday".

 

[Profpointy]

A guy says to his friend "my wife left me for my best friend, Frank yesterday"
The other guy asks "since when has Frank been your best friend"?
He says "since yesterday".

A variant on the Les Dawson version

My wife's run off with my best friend.
Oh I shall miss him.

 

[srj10]

I enjoy puns about ships. but funnelly enough I can't think of one.

 

[morrisman]

I walked through town last night and saw some apple pie, Viennetta and some spotted dick laying on the floor.
The streets were strangely deserted.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

7

 

[mistyoptic]

I enjoy puns about ships. but funnelly enough I can't think of one.

I bow to your humour. Try to hold on to it, or I will be stern with you

 

[Cavalol]

I bow to your humour. Try to hold on to it, or I will be stern with you

Bravo, sir. Take a bow.

 

[Gwylan]

I bow to your humour. Try to hold on to it, or I will be stern with you

Are you the anchor man for his show?

 

[Tenkaykev]

A friend asked me if I could name a Scandinavian country without the letter " r " in it. I said No Way!