Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
Have you got the grandkids round this weekend?
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
Where do otters keep their money?
In a lake bank.
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
Newts bank with Salamantander
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Do dogs bank with Barkleys.
Very perceptive.
A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to
her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells
nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR (Human Resources Dept.). Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.
The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells
nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR (Human Resources Dept.). Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.
The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
What do you call a mushroom that buys you drinks all night?
A fun guy to be with...
A fun guy to be with...
Andy_R
Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
- Location
- County Durham
David Cameron on the phone to Barack Obama:
DC: "Mr President, can you hear me?"
POTUS: "Yes David, but not very well. There's some crackling on your end."
DC: "Mr President, can you hear me?"
POTUS: "Yes David, but not very well. There's some crackling on your end."
Last edited:
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Raunchy novelist Jackie Collins has died.
Out of respect, her family want her coffin to be gently eased into moist soil, then taken out and rammed in again.
Out of respect, her family want her coffin to be gently eased into moist soil, then taken out and rammed in again.
A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan ..
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called
down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down
the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your
purposes.'
Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted
15.00 Yen, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the
machine started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed
his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,
'Manicures, 20.00 Yen'.
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands
into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen
seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly
manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read,
'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 1
Yen.'
The salesman looked both ways, put one Yen in the machine, unzipped
his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the
opening.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony
and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender
unit, which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called
down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down
the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your
purposes.'
Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted
15.00 Yen, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the
machine started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed
his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,
'Manicures, 20.00 Yen'.
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands
into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen
seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly
manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read,
'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 1
Yen.'
The salesman looked both ways, put one Yen in the machine, unzipped
his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the
opening.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony
and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender
unit, which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
As seen on Facebook the other day...it read...
'I realise this isnt really a re-homing site but i'm desperate. The wife has developed an allergy to our beloved spaniel bitch. We are desperate to know she'll go to a decent clean and loving home....her name is Judy, she's 43 and......
'I realise this isnt really a re-homing site but i'm desperate. The wife has developed an allergy to our beloved spaniel bitch. We are desperate to know she'll go to a decent clean and loving home....her name is Judy, she's 43 and......
