Any good jokes ... ?

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Hitchington

Lovely stuff
Location
That London
and vegetarian sausages
I see what you did there
 

john59

Guru
Location
Wirral
My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night

I explained to her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you" she said, and then she got all excited,
quickly undressed and we had the most amazing sex ever......

Which is odd, because she's never shown any interest in darts before!
 
Ever fallen asleep while eating a plate of cauliflower and woken up and thought you were in cloud land?
 

john59

Guru
Location
Wirral
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Irish

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy"
 

Cavalol

Legendary Member
Location
Chester
A boy gets a job in the butchers at a village a few miles away and the first day he's there he's done so well, the butcher tells him he can run the shop on his own that afternoon. A little later a lady comes in and asks for an Aylesbury duck. The lad hasn't got a clue, so grabs the first one he sees and put it on the counter, and the lady proceeds to roll her sleep up, put her fist in the duck's a*se and proclaims 'This isn't an Aylesbury duck, this is a Birmingham duck! I asked for an Aylesbury duck! The lad, more than a bit flustered, then grabs the next duck and puts it on the counter. The lady again rolls up her sleeve, puts put her fist in the duck's a*se and proclaims 'This isn't an Aylesbury duck, this is a Cheshire duck! I asked for an Aylesbury duck!' By now the lad is really flustered and, after trying three others with the same response finally puts the right one on the counter. The lady proceeds to roll her sleep up, put her fist in the duck's a*se and proclaims 'That's better, THAT is an Aylesbury duck, now will you kindly wrap it for me?' More than a little relieved he turns round and starts wrapping the duck and as he does so the lady said 'I haven't seen you before, where are you from?'
With that he lad jumped on the counter, pulled his pants down and said 'You tell me, you're the f******g expert'
 
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