swee'pea99
Legendary Member
Special occasions, they like to go out for an Indian or a Chinese.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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U
User33236
Guest
My friend recently lost his tongue.........
He doesn't like to talk about it.
He doesn't like to talk about it.
Soneone else is watching Stephen Fry then
U
User33236
Guest
Spot on lol.Soneone else is watching Stephen Fry then
Jokes as told by Germans.
A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
What do you call a cat with no tail?
A bobcat.
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated area.
A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
What do you call a cat with no tail?
A bobcat.
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated area.
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
The other day a clown held a door open for me.
It was a nice jester.
It was a nice jester.
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
Who has been watching "An Extra Slice" from Jo Brand?
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
Malapropisms are spreading like wildflower.
machew
Veteran
It is a little known fact that the French Navy has for many years had a
motto, the mere mention of which excites its hot-blooded members to combat
and conquest.
In English it can be rendered "To the water; it is time".
In the original French, however, it reads: "A l'eau; c'est l'heure".
motto, the mere mention of which excites its hot-blooded members to combat
and conquest.
In English it can be rendered "To the water; it is time".
In the original French, however, it reads: "A l'eau; c'est l'heure".
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Profpointy
Legendary Member
the man who invented predictive text has just died. His funfair's on sundial
(sorry if already done)
(sorry if already done)
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Just once or twice.
As an aside I was in Natwest talking to a manager and needed to text my sister telling her to go into her local branch to sign some papers. My phone predictive text corrected Natwest to "nastiest". No wonder I prefer Santander.......
