Any good jokes ... ?

[cisamcgu]

 

[tyred]

 

[PaulB]

I just caught my wife dipping £20 notes into batter and putting them in the deep fryer. I wish she wouldn't fritter away money like that.

 

[Andy in Germany]

I got told this one in German today:

Two men are playing golf when a funeral cortège passes the course. One immediately stops playing and removes his hat and stands watching until the procession is out of sight.
The other remarks: "That was very respectful of you"
"Well, after fifty years of marriage it's the least I can do"

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[craigwend]

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.

Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.

Oh how the stables have turned...

 

[Dayvo]

 

[tyred]

 

[sheddy]

 

[T4tomo]

I got told this one in German today:

Two men are playing golf when a funeral cortège passes the course. One immediately stops playing and removes his hat and stands watching until the procession is out of sight.
The other remarks: "That was very respectful of you"
"Well, after fifty years of marriage it's the least I can do"

Reminds me of the one about the couple who were season ticket holders for many years at their local football club and knew the fellow ST holders around them very well. One week only the wife turns up and those around enquire where Bob is. Mary tells them he's at a funeral and is asked in reply "So didn't any of the family want to come in his place?" At which point she comes clean...."no they've all gone to his funeral too!"

 

[Dayvo]

 

[tyred]

 

[Sterlo]

I told you. It's in the bedside drawer. For goodness sake.

Why is @Dave7 passport in your bedside drawer???????

 

[Tenkaykev]

Why is @Dave7 passport in your bedside drawer???????

Is it next to the big box of Milk Tray?

 

[Profpointy]

My wfie's just given me a call to let me know how she got on in her driving test.
"So" I asked excitedly. "How did you get on?"
"Not good." She replied, "He failed me."
"Oh dear!" I said sympathetically, "It can't be that bad, what did he pull you up on?"
"A rope." She replied "The car's still in the river."

Reminds me of a good line from "Some mothers do have 'em" from back in the day. Michelle Dotrice asks Frank "how's the car coming along" and he answers "I spoke to the chief frogman yesterday; he didn't hold out much hope"