Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[oldfatfool]

Three Scouse kids boasting.
First lad: My dad's so fast, if he fired an arrow at a tree, he'd reach the tree first."
Second lad: "My dad could fire a gun at a tree, and beat the bullet."
Third lad: "That's nothing. My dad works for the Council. He finishes work at 5, and he's in the house at half 3."

Should have worked at royal mail a few years back, could have finished at 5pm, been home for 3.30pm and still managed to 'squeeze in' 5 hours overtime whilst he was there 🤣🤣

 

[morrisman]

When the moon hits your knees
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore

 

[PeteXXX]

When you swim with an eel
And it bites your heel
That's a Moray...

 

[craigwend]

View attachment 640349

 

[Smokin Joe]

I'll never forget
The smell of the sweat
From under your armpits.

 

[Cavalol]

Should have worked at royal mail a few years back, could have finished at 5pm, been home for 3.30pm and still managed to 'squeeze in' 5 hours overtime whilst he was there 🤣🤣

A long time ago now (in my previous job) I was on OT (double time) and supposed to be until 7.00pm. Sacked it off at 5.40pm, drove home and half a mile from my house I saw someone I knew at the roundabout, so beeped and waved without thinking.

It was my new boss, so I did the 'honourable' thing by putting the OT through until 7.00pm a couple of weeks later and they paid me without question

 

[Dayvo]

 

[tyred]

 

[Hardrock93]

View attachment 640333

Who knew Michael Fabricant was into cycling?

 

[tyred]

 

[Chris S]

 

[morrisman]

I was waiting to buy a sandwich toaster, when I saw the greatest martial artist ever to come out of Athens walk past. I didn't know whether to go and get his autograph, or proceed with my purchase. I was caught between the Breville and the Greek Bruce Lee.

 

[Alex321]

View attachment 640274

Reminds me of something I actually did, as a young teenager, in a physics class. We still had some round pin sockets (and some devices with round pin plugs). Somebody asked the teacher if we could use one of those sockets, and he said he wasn't sure if it was just a 5 amp circuit. So, seeing a meter nearby, I picked it up, set it to amps, and stuck the prongs in the socket. One almighty bang later, I had it explained to me that you could only measure amps in a circuit where current was flowing

 

[tyred]