Any good jokes ... ?

[craigwend]

A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!

 

[Cavalol]

Bought a Ferrari from e-Bay last week for 3 grand. When it arrived, it'd been blown up by a tank and had hundreds of bullet holes in it.
I rang the seller to complain. "Oi, mate, this car you sold me has been blown up by a tank and it's full of bullet holes, you said it was top of the range!"
He said, "Yes...that's where its been for the last three weeks!"

 

[Dayvo]

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[rikki]

 

[tyred]

 

[Chris S]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Nibor]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[welsh dragon]

A man walks Into the kitchen one day and his wife says, I want you to make love to me right this second.

Afterwards the husband asks his wife why she was so desperate and she said, my 3 minute egg timer broke just as I put these eggs on to boil and I had to improvise.

 

[Cavalol]

People say Im' having a mid-life crisis, but I can't hear them over the sound of my new motorbike.

 

[oldfatfool]

Untill I saw this I had forgotten all about it, I was a couple of years bellow the instigators but remember the incident well

View: https://youtu.be/KdzSFF4Nc6Q

 

[PaulB]

I was made redundant from my job as a dermatologist this morning. They handed me my E45.

 

[morrisman]

Apart from 'It's fine' and It's OK' what other death threats do women use?